Husband currently has very bad cough, giving him a lot of pain. This morning he had a really nasty coughing fit. I asked I could get him a drink. "Shut up!" He said. "I'm having a hard time!" I should have just stayed quiet because speaking to him when he is in pain or stressed always ends up with him snapping/ shouting and me being pissed off/upset.
I posted on another thread about some examples of his behaviour over the last 10 years, and got some helpful replies saying I should leave. However, since my last post about his shit-ness, he has actually been the unique, clever and funny man I fell in love with. This has stopped me going ahead with any further plans to leave, and I know our son, who adores him, would be distraught, it is approaching Christmas and besides, as you have probably gathered if you read this far, I'm a dithering coward. However, that tiny, silly little snap from him this morning has brought it back home to me that he doesn't stay nice for long.
He has never been physically abusive but he has very frequently spoken to me like a stupid child, getting very snappy and nasty during times of stress. He can be very rude, but if i retaliate at all, saying, eg. "What have i done now?" He will, eg, close the door so i can't leave the room, sticking his middle finger up in my face, then opening the door and saying i can go now. One time, when I said I didn't want to give him a chance to be difficult, he stopped the car, told me to get out, then drove off, even though we were in the middle of a town with which neither of us was familiar and I didn't have my phone or know where he was going. Another time, when I asked him why he was "being like this" , he said "what's your f*in problem... go then, if you don't want to be with me." Stupidly, I did walk away, and he took our son back to the car and drove off back home without me. (Our son witnessed both these incidents, and he I have asked husband not to have a go at me in front of him, to no avail). Recently, he said to me "We are going out at 9.30am." I got ready. When I came downstairs, our son complained at having to go out. Husband said: "I did want to leave at 8am and go out on my own, but your mum decided she was coming with us, so now we all have to go and it's getting late." This was clearly not true. I often don't retaliate, but I do not want to live like this for the rest of my life and I do not want our son witnessing all this any longer. Every time he enters the room, I jump. Am not at ease. I have stayed as know marriages take work and I don't want to hurt our son, but after 10 yrs I doubt it is going to get better. My mum is v supportive, tho she lives 150 miles away, I have no friends or close family and I just can't think how I can get away. I can just about afford to rent a 2-bed house on my wages , assuming I will also have working tax credit/ can claim child maintenance. I just can't think how I can make that leap ... I don't have very much money and am worried about solicitor fees, etc. Plus. .. how can I tell him???