Such a selfish man! Help!!

[Prettypaticularperson]

Okay I need to know it's not just me and I'm not the one being selfish..

Me and my other half recently had a baby.. I spent the whole pregnancy housebound on bed rest so to speak.. I went stir crazy and ended up pretty depressed.
We have three other children his step children and my biological.
He still went out with friends and to football on a weekend ect never made time for us when the other three were at their dads.

Now bubba is here healthy and perfect and so am I! I'm ready for a few hours some weekends to go have a coffee or food (child free) with friends.

Last weekend hubby went out "all weekend" both Saturday and Sunday with friends and he normally works on a Saturday.
Well he has been at work this week but of course I've been home with baby up all night.. Keeping the house running. (mummies you know what I mean)
I do normally work so still have an income he isn't the only breadwinner.

He messages me from work and says Saturday night he is off for his hair cut and Sunday he is off to football again! The other three are at their dad's this weekend so I thought it would be good for me to have the day with my friends for once.

He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him.. He says he is at work all week and it's his only free time. I told him it's mine too and he said well I can go see friends with the baby which I can, but I'm also desperate for baby free time. I do all night feeds and school runs ect and tea is always on the table. I just need some child free breaths? Surely I'm not a bad person for wanting that. What is wrong with alternating weekends? I've even made sure my other gems aren't here..
Feel like crying right now and I feel really under appreciated.

What you have here is a selfish git who thinks you are less than him, there's no equal partnership team work going on here.

You are going to have to lay the law down to him OP if you want a life that also includes time away from your children, which, when in a relationship is taken for granted, unless you are stuck with a lazy, self entitled prick like the one you have - I could not live like this, I'd actually want to kill him in his sleep.

go solo, you are anyway!

I'm honestly considering it tbh..
Never felt as lonely as I have in this relationship

If he works all week and is out at the weekend, when does he have time with the baby? You aren't the only parent, the baby is his responsibility too.
Its not unreasonable for you to want some time to yourself, its not like you are saying he can't have any child free time and you can, but that is what is is saying to you.

I would just get up before him on Sunday and say I am out for the day and leave him no choice. He is being very selfish and with people like that you just have to be firm. He can then see for himself how is easy and relaxing it is. Don't bother pandering to him getting his dinner sorted, just sort yourself out from now on, that is all he does so why should you worry about him!

He just doesn't understand.. Thinks I'm being selfish..he had all pregnancy for his freedom.. Left Me at home all the time. Tbh I feel more trapped than anything with him x

Tell him you want some child free time and when the other three are away, tell him in advance you're seeing some friends/going out so he needs to be in to look after his son/daughter.

Because at this rate you'd get more child free time if you split from him.

He does understand OP, he sees you every day no?

He chooses to put you last, look at your options for going solo.

The fact he calls you selfish just proves what a tool he is.

Just present it as a fait accompli. I'm going out Saturday afternoon with Jane for coffee. I can take the baby but not the others. That OK?

Well if you left him you'd have every other weekend totally free!

So I'm not being selfish or a bad mother? I always question myself

If you believe you are selfish OP then he will continue to take advantage of your need to put him first and yourself second, this is what is happening now.

Guess what, we all work, we all have children and we don't all check out at the weekends and go of and do stuff on our own, he seems quite happy to leave you without a thought, not a very nice trait is it.

Ask yourself, if this was your daughter situation, what would you be saying?

I'd tell her she is worth so much more and not to settle for less than like I did

Your all right

I'd just get up and go! I'm sure he'd manage for a couple of hours. Maybe leave a feed or 2 made up. Text him when you get to the coffee shop (or pub!) to let him know you'll be back later.