Will try to keep this short but it's a messy situation so apologies for future drip feeding.
Have been with my husband for 26 years since I was 18. He is 3 years older than me.
He was seeing someone who had a boyfriend when we got together. (He finished with her before we got together). He was kind in some ways but in other ways he really wasn't. He told me intimate details about his sex life, made crass comments, portrayed himself as some kind of sex expert and told me he'd slept with someone from his friendship group who he hadn't. I was in her company at times. There are other things but this gives you some idea. I would not look twice at someone like this now so I think that says a lot about me.
Anyway we overcame these things and got married and had a child. From the moment I was pregnant he wasn't interested in sex and never initiated it. This continued for 8-9 years. He claims now to not know why he behaved like that and says it wasn't because I was pregnant. (I could understand that if this was the reason but this continued for years)
After 8-9 years, I wanted to sort things out. (I had done before then and had tried but really didn't know how. Obviously I was very hurt.) So I tried to initiate things in a fun way. So the next stage of this mess then started and he couldn't get an erection. Not ever. This was my confidence shot to pieces. With everything previously it hurt so much. I took the approach of being patient and bought a bullet vibrator and nice underwear. It still didn't work. I suggested he bought an outfit so he bought a head to toe lace suit which he wanted me in with the lights on. I didn't feel comfortable with this.
Sorry this is long.....
2 years ago I found him watching porn and again was devastated. Not because of the porn, although I personally think it's exploitative, but because he was doing this but having no sex life with me.
About a year ago he got viagra so we are having sex now. I have discussed with him having a vasectomy as we use condoms which he doesn't like. This was about a year ago and he has not discussed with me about having it done. When I've asked him he said the surgery was an hour away, then he was busy with work and then this weekend he doesn't want to have it because of the risks and he read online that it's unusual to have it now. What angers me is not that he doesn't want it but that he hasn't communicated with me or discussed it with me.
Had a terrible weekend. Went to have sex and he remembered he'd run out of condoms and wanted to pop to the pub toilet. Seriously! It just felt like another kick in the teeth. Our daughter was away for the weekend and he couldn't even ensure he had bloody condoms. I feel he totally disrespects my feelings and has serious issues with sex.
I just can't work out what exactly or why. I've asked him if he's gay and although I'd be devastated at being lied to, at least I'd have some answers about my life which he controls.
I'm so sorry this is so long. Please don't suggest I leave. It's not an option for me.
Thank you so much for reading.