I’m in a bit of a dilemma ladies and feeling frustrated.
Bit of back story, my exh and I divorced 4 years ago, amicable and we have remained friends. We have two teen dc 13 and 15) who we co-parent well with a 60/40 split.
The trouble is me exh is dreadful with money, always has been really – it drove me insane and stressed me out no end when we were married.
When we divorced we sold our house and split the profits, we both now have our own houses and both have small mortgages, so we have a ‘clean break’ as they call it. I work full time in a reasonably paid job, he is semi-retired (works 2 days a week) and claims a percentage of his pension.
When we split I opened a new bank account and started using that as my account, he remained using our joint account as his account. He wasn’t fussed about removing my name from it as we trust each other and always said that as I was still his next of kin, he was happy for me to have access to it in an emergency. I obviously don’t use his account and no longer have a bank card for it, however, I do have online access to it.
So here is the problem. He has just had a large car MOT bill, £450 to be exact. He can’t afford to pay it and has asked to borrow it from me. This isn’t new. As I said, he is useless with money and often runs out in the week before payday and I have to sub him £50 etc or give him food for the dc. He is such a great guy and a great dad, but shit with budgeting. I frequently check his account online and can see what he spends his money on – crap! He likes a ‘bargain’ which often means he buys things he doesn’t need. We had this all the time, it drove me mad. In my opinion, it’s only a bargain if you were going to buy it anyway and you have saved yourself money! He treats the dc a lot too, but small stuff like books, dvds, etc but it all adds up each month.
His wages and pension together come to £1700 a month. His mortgage is only £350 and his household bills probably another £350. That’s a grand a month left for food / fuel and extras! He should be ok this right? He feeds dc 3 nights, otherwise it’s just him, he has no partner etc. I would say by his bank account he spends £150 on food a week. He doesn’t drink or smoke. I only spend £100 a week on food and I feed the dc 4 nights a week and one of the dc has pack lunch and I have a husband too! He works about a half an hour drive from home, so probably spends £25 a week on petrol. The rest he just spends on shit – think car boot sales, plants for his garden, treats for dc etc. that’s it, his money is gone.
I should add that he doesn’t pay me any maintenance and I claim the child benefit which goes into a separate account to pay for the dc clothes and dinner money and school trips etc. We always pay 50/50 on extra-curricular clubs.
Sorry, this is long, but wanted to give a clear picture….
I am by all means not well off. I manage to save £500 a month for rainy day / emergencies / holidays / xmas / xtras etc. Which in reality probably ends up being more like £200 a month after these things are taken into consideration. I guess what I’m saying is I don’t have much in terms of long term savings. Both exdh and I spent all of our individual savings when we got divorced on mortgaging our own properties and setting up our news homes. Basically handing over £450 right now will impact me. I have saved for xmas and am going for a girly weekend break early Jan with my best friend. I feel like I have very little spare money when these are taken into consideration.
I know that exdh cannot really cope without a car. He wouldn’t be able to get to work for a start as we live in a village and his work is half an hour drive away. He also uses his car to run our dc about a lot – they are both at the age when they need picking up from friend etc and do eve and weekend activities.
Exdh knows I am not loaded, but he knows my dh is generous with his money and will happily support me. He knows I could ask dh for help.
Any advice please.