DH thinks I have an easy life

[mamma2kids]

I need to let off steam and for some advice / support.
We had a row last week,I lost my temper at tea time with DC and DH told me to go and eat in the other room if I was going to shout. Later we argued again I tried to explain why I had lost it but he couldnt see it and said " you have an easy life, you only work part time and I do much more with the kids than my father did or any of the lads at work" Then I really lost it!
I am quite happy with my life generally, I work 20hrs / week and we have 2 toddlers. I haven't had a full nights sleep for as long as I can remember, and the last time I had any time to myself at the weekend was before Xmas. DH does do his bit but also makes sure he gets time to pursue his love of mountain climbing (a time consuming hobby).
We are both tierd and lack time and money, but until this I thought we were in it together and supportive of each other. Now I just feel like he doesn't understand at all. Help!

tell him to do what you do for a week
cook, wash, scrub etc etc
and see how he bloody feels when you say he has an easy life

and then tell him to wind his neck in and shut his grid

Make i list of EVERYTHING you do for one week and give it to him.

Last week i repainted and cleaned 4 rooms at house 1 as well as all the cleaning at house 2. Did all the washing ironing, school runs, shopping, most of the cooking, baths, bedtime stories, you name it i did it.
DP said on Friday night when i said i was tired, "well its all that sitting on mumsnet you do , he was joking but really i don't think they have a clue what i do all day and just think everything goes back in to placce stays clean and gets mended by magic.

i think you need a break a change of routine. If i dont go out and let my hair down or just have time to feel like a normal human being and not just a wife figure and mother i begin to lose my temper easily and get really resentful.Everyone is bound to pick up on the tension and rows are going to happen alot more easily. Sometimes being a mother and wife can feel like grounhog day.

Does he get up at nights 50% of the time? Perhaps get him to do that as well.......

Could you go somewhere for the day (on a weekend?) Leave DH in charge? You might not feel like it if you are tired but it will refresh you and show DH exactly how hard you work all day. Sometimes people need to be shown rather than told.

this is how you deal with it...

A husband comes home from work after another long day at the office.

Upon entering his front door, however, he is puzzled to find the hallway scattered with toys, jackets and a pile of unopened mail on the floor. Even more surprising, when he entered the living room he found toys everywhere, overflowing ashtrays and dirty teacups from the night before. Now starting to get worried that something might be wrong, he goes into the kitchen, only to find the sink full of dirty dishes, the tiled floor filthy from muddy paw prints and kids? footprints, and again toys, unwrapped food and an even bigger mess.

Now in a panic, he quickly climbs the cluttered stairs and bursts into the bedroom, only to find the bed unmade and his wife sitting at the window admiring the view.

?What the hell has happened dear? It?s like a war zone in here!?

?Well dear, every day you walk through that door from a long day at the office, and every day you ask me the same question: ?what did you do today dear?? Well today I didn?t do it!!!?

Hope it cheered you up at least. It is the only way they ever learn though - if you don't do it.

When you say 'he does his bit', what exactly does he do?

LOL Kelly1978, I saw that somewhere on here before but it is very true.

My DH is between jobs at the minute, just at the point that I have gone back to work. Now we have paid for Childminder so DS goes there most days, but DH takes him some days and now has a much deeper appreciation of DS routine and how much work it is to look after him.

I know its an old chestnut but you need to match time for time, DHs time for hobbies. He goes away one full Saturday, so do you, oh and the days you don't work don't count, not unless the children are in nursery.

Having said that I do have some sympathy for blokes these days, they do much more than their fathers generation and don't get much thanks for it. However in our parents generation it wasn't the norm for the mothers to hold down demanding jobs, ferry the kids to endless social activites, do all the social whirl that we did pre kids oh and look good at the same time.
Therefore until our blokes are doing 50% when they are at home, they have no right to moan.

Oh and strategy no 2, threaten to give up your job, he might start back tracking then

Well...there is a rather more simple suggestion...

Swap roles for a week ENTIRELY, (although for jobs you may have to improvise your absences as being work even if you arent at each others work).

If you have such an easy life, it will prove to be a lovely holiday for him, wont it? And of course you will get to see how tough he has it....

He could arrange with work actually to have mornings or afternoons off for a week, and you could go to work as usual, but go straight on and do something else, like social climbing ...in the time you would normally be home to make up to full time hours iykwim?

DH informed me that he thought I wasn't sleeping well, because I wasn't using enough energy in the day!1

I am on mat leave with 7 month old dd. Must go up and down those stairs about 150 sodding times a day. And that doesn't include ALL THE REST.

He will NOT be saying it again!

Go away for a week, and leave him to do it all. Also remember to sent alarm for lots of random times during the night to make sure he is really really tired as well

Thank you girls. Its not just me then. Doormat (you're no doormat)and Kimi I tried that, and was amased at how much I do get done (he wasn't).
Daisy, you're so right I am negotiating a regular slot.
Buffeysmum. He does get up to DS most nights but not as much as me both DCs are terrible sleepers for various reasons.
Bottleblonde. I did go to mums once. I think I'll do it again.
Kelly. I started doing that a bit, then when we were househunting he kept commenting on how tidy all these houses were (didn't sell our house though).
Madmarchare. He plays and does some shopping, some baths and 50%bedtimes and 50% cooking. No housework or laundry. I don't really have a problem with what he does, I just want respect for what I do.
Rookiemum. I agree. He idolises his mam who had 3 kids close together but never worked and had Granny there every day helping with house work etc. His dad did nought. His mam even cooked lunch for husband and 3 kids every day (they all came home from work/school) and when DH left home she went round to clean his flat every week. He does much more than his dad, but I cant live up to his mams wifelyness. Also he is terrified that I will give up my job.
Vendivic. He would play with kids and ignore everything else and say its easy.
Fizzbuzz. The only good thing about going back to work after mat leave was that DH stopped asking me if I'd had a good day off!
Thanks for all the suggestions. I need to take more time off.