I'm so exhausted.

[EllieTheExasperated]

I am constantly anxious, on edge and struggling with depression.

And today is the first time I've starts to suspect that maybe it isn't just the miscarriages or me.

I've just spent ten minutes arguing, in front of my children and my mum, at my mums house, with Dh.

Why?

Because of me getting excited about a hobby that he doesn't approve of. That he is convinced I will flirt with other men while I'm doing it.

A hobby that I only partake in when the dc's and Dh wouldn't be with me anyway and I have spare time.

And I'm just so tired of it all.

I'm tired of that sick feeling I get in the pit of my stomach whenever ANYTHING has made me happy because I know he'll try to rip it to shreds and moan about how brain washed and 'mainstream' I am.

And the constant accusations are wearing me down.

He reads my internet history, my facebook, my messages. I have nothing to hide, do nothing wrong and yet find myself CONSTANTLY having to explain myself. No I don't fancy him. No I don't talk to strangers. No I'm not running off with other men.

And now he moans at me that I don't want to be intimate.

I just want to have a peaceful life. I just want to not have to constantly be choosing between letting him bitch at me to keep the peace or argue back in front of the dc.

I just want to scream.

He shouldn't be aggressive at all Ellie!!

I think you have lost track a bit of just how wrong his behaviour really is, tbh.

Agree with all the above posters. Rabbit has some good advice OP. Could you go and stay with your mum for a while to give some breathing space? Maybe the threat of losing you will make him think a bit more about what he is doing?

The feeling of stress will disappear if you end this "relationship" with an abusive man.

Yup, it's really common for things to get worse when you have your first child, or often during pg itself.
Get an exit plan. Don't tell him until you are ready to go / get him out.
He's emotionally abusing you.

Better not discuss it with your DM then.

Isn't often aggressive means he does get aggressive sometimes?

Would I be right in thinking that he uses being disapproving and relentlessly emotionally needy to get you to comply with his bizarre demands, and perhaps becomes aggressive if it doesn't work?