How the hell do I deal with my husband?

[Teepish]

Last time I posted on here I was a very frightened soul as I had been dealing with threats and abuse from H after I threw him out a few months ago after discovering another infidelity. I even asked to have a thread I started deleted by MNHQ as I was so terrified someone in his family might see and tell him.
Well I tell you what, I couldnt give a fuck now. This emotionally abusive, socially inept, lying, disgusting toad of a man continues to blame me for every one of his misdemeanours. I lost my temper at him tonight because he lied about taking something from this house when he left, that didnt belong to him. His response? "I hope your parents die. Stop being such a petulant c*nt in front of our daughter"
Unfortunately, our dd5 tells me she loves daddy more than me, and gets upset when she has to come home from his house. Its like a knife through my heart but what can I say to her? I just say "oh do you" in a sort of nonchalant manner. I think she feels sorry for him because he doesnt live with us anymore. And prefers him because he is a bit of a Disney Dad.
I just dont know how to cope with the stress when I know he is due to pick up/drop dd off. He has a passive aggressive way about him on the doorstep and if dd gets upset and doesnt want to leave him he turns it into a big sentimental display rather than encouraging her into the house and telling her he will see her soon.

He has her overnight twice a week and an extra odd tea time here and there. Once I had to tell him that he would have to pick dd up a few hours later than usual as I was working late and she was with my mum (he hates her because she had the balls to stand up to him once), and I avoid them having contact. He want mad telling me I had stolen time with his daughter from him. The next morning on my doormat was his letter from my solicitor outlining the contact arrangements, ripped up, in an envelope covered in expletives about me and my parents. His own parents dont know the half of what he is about, offered me no support when I threw him out and effectively condone his behaviour.

Im so sorry this reads like a garbled rant - I just want to know - do I just ignore his abuse until he gets bored? I have told my solicitor all about him but really what course of action can you really take about a man who who acts like a spoilt toddler? Its the fact that he has wished death on my parents - twice - that I feel I need some kind of action taken about but still, what on earth can be done about that.

I asked him to ask his parents to do pick ups/drop offs instead but he said "why on earth should they give in to my demands" .....

I just feel so defeated and truthfully, frightened that he will turn my daughter against me.

Hello Sandy. The thing is, that note o ly happened the once. Could the police actually do anything about that, or would they just tell me to carry on keeping a log?

I would like one of his parents to do pick ups but he refused to ask them and if I asked them, they would go through H first, and he'd tell them it wouldnt be necessary. His parents were of no support to me.

Actually, theres a time coming up when they have to pick dd up. I think im going to psych myself up to have a word.

Hi OP,

Yes the note is enough to contact the police about. Calling you a cunt and abusing you in your own home is also unacceptable. Use your log book to get a non-molestation order at your local court and use a contact centre for pick ups. Otherwise, demand he stays in the car or outside the boundary of your property when dropping off DD. She can then walk up to the door by herself. If he starts shouting at you from where he is, call the police as it is a public disorder offense. If he doesn't leave, tell him three times to leave and if he doesn't, call the police as he is harassing you.

Thanks for the advice Crazee.

The "cunt" calling last night happened because he stood and said he didnt receive the text I sent asking for my property back, and I unfortunately lost my temper and shouted that he was a liar, cheat, manipulative etc - his response was to flip me the bird and say my parents would be dead soon.... so you see, if I was to tell police about that they'd likely tell me I initiated that "upset". The note, however, is something I didnt know who exactly to tell about. Would it be a police 101 enquiry..? He posted it almost 2 weeks ago now.

Tonight I text him to say I would be picking dd up at 6pm from his house, which is the normal pick up time. I have collected her from there 3 times now and he is always sweetness and light at his own front door. He very much was tonight, even said he would return my property as soon as he found it at his parents house. I didnt speak to him or give him eye contact. On the way home dd talked about how much she loved daddy and that she was sad, and wanted to be with him always because he took her to places and had fun

I told her I was glad she had such fun with daddy and reminded her of the fun we have together, and said it was good that she could do a variety of things with each of us.

In my eyes all the trips to places, shops and restaurants H does with her are a cop out and easier to dazzle her with.. but like I say its still enjoyable for her so I look very petty judging.

Anyway.. all is okay this evening thank goodness.

Oh good grief, you are a better person than me - I may well have said 'is that what you really mean or has Daddy been talking about that?'. It sounds like he has been filling her head - he is certainly not working on amicable co-parenting. He is being nice because he has got DD on side to hurt you; and not knowing if you are getting Mr Nasty or Mr Nice keeps you on your toes.

I think phone 101; you are finding his behaviour difficult across a range of things but you are seeking advice on this particular issue. Be clear it is in a context of other unreasonable behaviour, not just isolated incidents. That makes it harder for ex to throw back the one time you snapped if things escalate in any way.

it is exhausting.

Re your DD, transitions between two homes are difficult and your ex is milking this. I wish there were an easy answer for you.

Hello Cocoa, thanks for your kind words.

He is making it very difficult, yes. I just wish he actually had a life so that he didnt feel the need to be such a problem in mine!! He is putting all his efforts into being Super Dad. When he was at home with us, he wasnt like this at all.