I can't wear my leopard print shoes in front of my Mum!

[StrongTeaHotShower]

I'm 32 ffs and have always felt like I have a really close loving relationship with my mum but even into my 30s I'm hyper aware of her opinion of me.

Recently it's dawned on me that she is possibly quite controlling but in a very passive aggressive way. She was in a co dependent relationship with alcoholic Dad for many years and I know co-dependents can have a controlling streak to their personality.

I'm seeing her later today and instinctively thought. Oh she doesn't like leopard print so I can't wear my favourite pumps. Is that just normal family dynamics or is it odd I think like that? I hate the idea of disappointing her and feel that my lovely shoes would.

Opinions please?

That's weird. Just wear your lovely shoes!

Yeah that's odd. What 30 year old has the same taste in clothes as their mum in any case?

It is weird isn't it but it's the way my mind works. I remember being about 13 with some Boyzone posters on my wall (I think Gareth was toppless ) and my sister gleefully pointed out to my mum I had naked boys on my wall. She looked so hurt I took them down and cried myself to sleep because I felt guilty I was growing up and that it upset her

Hmm could be therapy time

Oh dear. It is odd, but I can relate. My mum is easily upset/offended.
Wear your shoes, shrug it off. Be a rebel OP!

Total aside but, there was a Gareth in Boyzone??

Haha, I meant Steven Gately! Must have been mixing him up with Gareth Gates

Wear your ffing shoes!!!

IF she say anything remind her that you choose what you wear because you're not a child.

Add in a "don't be ridiculous" if she persists

No, that's not a normal level of worry.

It is not normal to think that someone does not like a particular colour or pattern and so not wear shoes with that pattern to meet them.

I think that we all become aware of our parents' flaws as adults and question. I think it is one of final stages of growing up and becoming independent. So it's healthy that you've noticed, so wear the damn shoes and pull her up on her criticism when you get the chance.

My mum likes to tell me when my trousers are too short and they look like a clown's. I always wear good old M&S black trousers, and my mum has a thing about them being too short but the ones that aren't short are so long they drag on the ground and get wet, thank goodness I don't see her that often. I also wear lots of clothes from her, she buys lots and passes them to me when she gets bored of them, I'm happy as it saves me money. One thing I've said to her before is 'if you don't like what I'm wearing get me something you DO like.
Hissy - think I will take your advice.

I was going to say that this is perfectly normal to feel like that but from what everyone else has said it seems this is just my anxious personality showing through.
I'm the same with a lot of things and not just with my mother. Think I'll best be joining you in therapy.

You don't exist to please your Mum. She does need to see that you are an adult now and your shoes are your choice. You sound like you have a good relationship with her, but it just needs nudging a bit to bring it into the present. I doubt she'll be aware she is being controlling, it's going to take you not tip toeing around her .