I'm feeling trapped, I just want to escape

[Womadia28]

I feel like I'm going round in circles, no one to talk to in RL, as family and friends think DH is Mr Perfect, hence the need to offload and ask for your help on here.

I'm a SAHM who has just started studying for a degree part time. Dh has his own business and he is out early before the DC awake and has a return home time that is variable (sometimes he's back for school pick up or DC activities, other times he is travelling around the UK or at network evenings). I'm expected to run the house singlehandly. I'm getting increasingly frustrated and trapped, the DC have hobbies that mean my evenings are busy, he does help when he can but there is no set pattern so if I wanted to plan a mid week catch up with my friend or take up a hobby, it's nigh on impossible.

When I ask/ beg for more time it is given, but with a caveat of how lucky I am and that means he is not committing to his work due to my 'neediness' and selfishness.

I'm feeling worn out and depressed, I've said I want him to leave but he has warned me that if we do split, my situation will be much worse and I won't be able to cope on my own. But why should I be with someone who makes me feel so unhappy, like a maid rather than a wife?

I love my family but I need some time for me and I'm not getting it, I feel he has me over a barrel as he is the provider of the house. It won't be easy to find a part time job due to the DC and my studies but I can't bear this unhappy, trapped feeling. There is no one that can help me as I don't have a good relationship with my DP (narcissism) and the friends I do have have situations worse than mine, they would be shocked if I told them I was unhappy as everyone comments how lucky I am having such a supportive and kind DH.

He won't see that his help is really not helping, there is no emotional connection and I really resent him being out whilst I'm stuck at home.

I'm starting to really want us to split but I am scared, he is right about my neediness (something which I wasn't before DC)

Sorry for the long post, I needed to write it down before I burst! If anyone can offer me any assurance that it will be ok I really need it.

OP you wrote
family and friends think DH is Mr Perfect
everyone comments how lucky I am having such a supportive and kind DH
With these statements I see the classic image management of a narcissist.

When I ask/ beg for more time it is given, but with a caveat of how lucky I am
Someone who loved you would do this for you willingly, they would happily try hard to meet your need. He is doing this for you begrudgingly and making you feel guilty for asking. So then you are deterred from asking for it again with the effect he he has controlled your behaviour. I refer you again to www.outofthefog.com FOG = Fear Obligation Guilt You feel all three.

he has warned me that if we do split, my situation will be much worse and I won't be able to cope on my own
This, too, is an attempt to control you, to prevent you from leaving. He wants to keep his unpaid maid at home - as you have already sensed you are - so he can focus on doing what he wants. You are not in the picture except as a support service.

He knows you have no family support, he knows you have no other support and nowhere to go, he has isolated you from your friends by making it difficult for you to see them. It's a classic abuse tactic.

He's been full of remorse today
I'm currently getting lots of concerned texts from him and even had a visit earlier to check I was ok as well as take the dogs out
Abusers are great at feigning concern when they think you might be slipping from their control and on the brink of leaving. It's designed to reel you back in and leave you too confused to leave. Your confusion arises from still holding out hope things between you will get better when he says and does things like this, while your gut feeling is telling you he is not healthy for you to be around. Notice how He helps on his terms, not when I need or can plan it - he even controls the kind of help you get from him. The whole effect is to make you doubt yourself and undermine your self-confidence so you feel too emotionally wobbly to leave and dependent on him emotionally as well as financially. It suits him to have you in place managing the home and children. He is ignoring your needs, he is not listening to you, he doesn't care about you. He only cares about himself. It is he who is selfish yet he dumps the accusation on you to make him feel better about himself.
A history of neglecting you so you feel lonely is also emotional abuse. It feels a great deal less lonely to be single than to be married and continually snubbed. In fact it would feel wonderful to be freeeeeeee.

Even if he does agree to changes which make your life easier (childcare and /or a cleaner to leave you free-er) I can't see him doing it willingly.

He will grudge it to you. Feel like he's doing you a favour allowing you to have a bit of a life. He's entitled to one though, and would never see that you're sacrifices allow that.

He does actually GET that. I promise you, he knows, he sees that, but the type who is comfortable using manipulation to get all of their needs met at somebody else's expense won't suddenly have such an epiphany that he genuinely wants you to be happy, wants the sacrifices to be equal and wants you to have a good life/career.