Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

what would you do in my shoes..mumsnetters advice needed

2 replies

bubblepop · 11/02/2007 20:26

ok i'l try and keep this short..for years now ive had quite a close friendship with my sil.we've shared a lot of laughs and heart to hearts.she had a lot of hard times,her first child has had health probs,then there was money worries which caused a lot of stress in her marriage.i was always there to listen and a shoulder to cry on, iyswim.she could'nt see the obvious way out to her probs and became depressed. i inadvertently became her 'counsellor', she was phoneing me twice a day and the calls would last for an hour or more.i felt sorry for her and tried to suggest soloutions to a way out of her problems, but she put up barriers and always made excuses.i became increasingly exasperated but never let it show.then she and her dh began to borrow money from our mil,always saying they would pay it back,but ofcourse they did'nt.i was secretly disgusted in both of them and so was my dh and the rest of the family.we all gave them the benefit of the doubt though,praying that they would soon get back on their feet.it upset me though, because when we were often talking about things,it seemed she was ungrateful for our mil financial help,it was almost as if my sil felt it was owed to her.gradually i began to realise, she was draining me with her problems,the conversations were always about her, never me.i began to dread the phone ringing,and started to avoid a few of the calls to give myself some space without a massive fall out between us.however, she did'nt give up easily,she left messages on my answer phone(sometimes 3 times a day) and if i did'nt answer my landline she would txt me to say "that was me foneing you just then".i was just about to give birth to my 3rd child, i did'nt think i could cope with the calls and a new baby, aswell as my other children who needed more attention than i was giving them..anyway, eventually, after about 6 months, she gave up.i still phoned her now and then, and did the odd visit, but i kept it all light hearted.now and then she would ask me why i was'nt answering my phone, and i'd reply "well im really busy right now with the new baby, you know how hectic it is with a newborn" and things like that,but it was if she knew i was squirming underneath and she would often have a little dig.eventually, i think she found someone else to lean on,and they sorted some of their problems out. time passed and things became more 'normal' so to speak. we had occasional contact and things were good.the kids would play together the odd time when we met up.i would have a chat to her now and then on the phone. Then something not so good happened to me in MY life and i tried to talk to her about it.i tried to bring it up a few times, but guess what?she quickly changes the subject. she's made it clear she's not interested in my problems.every time i mention it,it seems something worse is happening to her in her life. im sick to death of this relationship and would be quite happy to see the end of it,but i don't know how to. what should i do.

OP posts:
VioletBaudelaire · 11/02/2007 20:34

Hmm... I may have missed something in your OP, but I'm not sure why you would want her to be your confidante and adviser when you spent so long trying to cool the relationship off with her.
It seems like she has finally taken the hint and moved on - so you can't really blame her for not wanting to listen to you now.
I think it would be better if you could find someone else to talk to - someone who is not part of the family would be ideal.
Or you can come on here instead.

shimmy21 · 11/02/2007 20:39

Agree 100% with Violet. Why on earth would you be trying to confide in someone who you have made it clear that you don't want to share a closely confiding relationship with?

You can't have it both ways

New posts on this thread. Refresh page