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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think it's happening again

26 replies

bigbumbrunette · 02/11/2016 20:47

This is more a brain dump than a request for advice. I can'tell talk to anyone in RL about this just yet. I gave my DH a chance when he was caught out having an affair a couple of years ago. The main reasons for that were because of our DC (if we didn't have a child I wouldn't have had to speak to him again) and because he took full ownership and responsibility for it all. He gave me passwords to his email accounts and access to his phone bill. Things had been going really well. The last few weeks he's been a lot more like the 'old' him. Judgmental about everyone around me (family & friends), short tempered around the house and not so fussed about intimacy which has sent me reeling back to how he was during the affair. So I checked his phone bill. I've run a few of the numbers through fb search and one that he text on a Saturday night once when he was with me and then again at early o'clock the next day when he was off to work. The search brought up the profile of a woman who is absolutely his 'type' (he rarely varies from this), lives one stop from us on the train and works near him. He has form for chatting people up on the train. He has no reason to be in contact with her. This just started at the end of last month so his bill cuts off until the next one comes out at the end of this month. I will have to wait a whole month to get more detail of whether he continues with contact. I can't ask him, he'll deny anything (he did before and it made me really ill for a long time).
I know it's a LTB. I don't trust him. I don't even like him right now. But I need to be in a position where I can just tell him that there's no further discussion, he's gone. I'm not there just yet.
Balls.

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 03/11/2016 19:18

I don't think OP needs to be sure actually.

It's ok to say a relationship isn't working and break up. It's ok to say that actually, you've tried, and no, you can't get over past infidelities.

And YOU haven't done anything. He is the one at fault. Even if he's not playing away, he's broken your trust and personally I don't think it's possible to get it back.

[fllowers]

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