Introducing DC to new man.... Your thoughts please!

[Millonsofpeaches]

Hello wise & wonderful ones
I've changed my user name for this.
Nutshell: single parent to 4 year old DD. Her dad and my last relationship of a year both very EA.
Last relationship I introduced her to my partner after 7 months. Took everyone's advice to not rush. He had a child too. We all hung out at a party then hung out progressively more. At the time, my DDs dad was having her overnight more & now he hardly ever does.
I have met a guy. Known him a month. This feels different. Special. (I know, I know... It's only been a month! I don't know him. But I have this gut feeling I haven't mentioned to anyone in RL... Might be wrong but he's great.
Turns out he lives 5 mins away, we have friends in common, he frequents places we go to etc.
DD got on well with previous partner but when we split up, she never asked to see him/why she hasn't seen him/said she missed him etc etc.
I rarely go out, I have no family nearby... I want to get to know this guy & feel like waiting 7 months is going to be tricky & almost feeling like it's going to be stressful avoiding places we all go/not speaking to him in public with DD.... For the next 6 months.... If things go how I think they might (I'm not disillusioned I promise! Just positive!)
Anyone introduced DC & new partner early on & it's all been cool? What if I just introduced him as 'D' - at 4, she doesn't even understand what a boyfriend is! Or should I just stick it out for the next 6 months?

[ameliesfolly]

Ok here's a nice story for you - I was set up with a man on a date by mutual friends. Thought he was really lovely, he asked that evening what I was doing at the weekend, I mentioned plans involving my DC - not much older than yours - and he asked he if could come along too. I said yes figuring that I could always cancel. So DC came on our second date effectively. Man was still lovely, had own DC so "got" small kids, was really useful to see how he interacted with DC. I told DC he was a friend (he was at that point, nothing had happened). Met nice man many more times without DC but mentioned him a bit and then said he was my bf and we did a few more daytime outings, built it up gradually. Continued to observe nice man's interaction with DC, all positive. Nice man stayed over at my house with DC knowing he was there, seeing him in the morning etc. DC and I after about a year stayed over at nice man's house occasionally too. Am now married to nice man and all very happy. Nice man proved his reliability and steadfastness over and over again, plus ability to engage with DC in an appropriate and approachable way. If at any point he had failed to do so I could have pulled away without too much drama. But introducing him early but casually meant I didn't get overly involved only to find out down the line that he wasn't nice with kids or that DC just didn't like him. It also meant I didn't launch a bf who was new to DC but a really big deal to me into their lives. hth

[Somerville]

I introduced the man I was seeing (who I am now engaged to) to my DC after only a few months.

However, there were reasons behind that. My DC are older than yours. And it was my only relationship since their father/my DH died a few years ago. And they'd all told extended family members that they were worried about me being sad and lonely forever - teen DD1 was even planning on staying living at home rather than going off elsewhere to University.

And the man himself is met through work, so we had mutual friends and colleagues. I had also met his extended family before hand.

[Somerville]

Pressed post too soon.

I think it's too soon after the last, EA, relationship and you need to be careful. For your daughter, and for you.

[scoobydooagain]

I introduced my partner after 5 months, ds was 4 at time. My ex has introduced several girlfriends to ds despite having ds a maximum of 3 nights a fortnight, I spoke to him about it got dogs abuse then my ds spoke to him (he is only 7) and it seems to have calmed down but have been told by ds he is going to get introduced to the latest girlfriend shortly. My ds does not like meeting lots of different girlfriends plus wants to spend time with his dad not his dad + latest, so what I am trying to say is slow down.

[stuckinny]

If you bump into him I would introduce him as a friend in the same way you'd introduce a girlfriend. You can't possibly avoid him if you're in a small town and if you do your DD will know there is something going on - ime kids are fairly perceptive.