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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Newbie and fed up

9 replies

legalmamma · 11/02/2007 19:49

Apologies for crashing in with a miserable message, but I have had enough and need a bit of perspective. I have three children, two with my ex, and one with my DP. Everything has been great and DP was terrific with the elder two until the arrival of the baby. Now the older boys get criticised all the time and the baby is narvellous (which of course he is, because he's a baby). I understand there's a difference between your own child and your stepchildren, but its hard for me, because I love all of them the same (and DP too). Sorry if this is the wrong board but I am new to this and could really do with your point of view

OP posts:
Original poster
legalmamma · 11/02/2007 20:08

Of course , he's Marvellous, not Narvellous (and he really is)

OP posts:
babywhiting · 11/02/2007 20:15

im in same position as you and yes 2 eldest get dp down but rise above it and make everything fun, both kids will begin to yearn for your dps company and the baby will not look so fun , i often trek us all out to play centre it always works. make him spend more time with eldest.

Original poster
legalmamma · 11/02/2007 20:17

Thank you so much for the reply - my problem seems tp be that its the eldest he has the biggest issue with (as a second child himself) and the eldest hs picked up on the fact. But its good to know that someone else has been in the same position

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anorak · 11/02/2007 20:19

With having several children, there is always one or the other you are more keen on and one or the other who is pissing you off, due to the fact that one is so cute and one is playing up...whatever...but your man needs it to be explained to him that however he feels he must not let it show to the children

One of my friends said that she really admired this woman she knows because she had four children and they all thought they were the favourite

Original poster
legalmamma · 11/02/2007 20:26

You are absolutely right - I love all three of my sons for different reasons and they are all precious. My DP however was bullied by his elder brother and seems to take it out on my eldest. I know I should explain to him that that's not OK, but he won't listen. I don't know how to make our family work.

OP posts:
anorak · 11/02/2007 20:33

You can't explain things to someone who won't listen.

Original poster
legalmamma · 11/02/2007 20:47

Which I guess is a harsh message (I already knew) about a relationship. But what is the right thing to do?

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anorak · 11/02/2007 20:57

I didn't mean it to be harsh. Remember you are the one who has the experience. It is all new for your DP. Sometimes you have to go on at men until you are blue in the face before they get something. You have to try explaining it all different ways.

Original poster
legalmamma · 11/02/2007 21:07

No. I thought you were right and saying exactly what I know. The best way with my DP is to stroke his ego, and make hin feel like the boss n(like any man). My concern is that I think his "boss" tendencies are now impacting my 6 year old. I would prbably put up with it if DP was DS's dad, but in this family where I have always looked out for the boys, I'm not sure what level of step-fatherly involvement is appropriate. Its a fine line between fatherly discipline and hectoring

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