Need someone to tell me what to do

[midnightanna]

So DH has a condition and has had it for 5 years during that time I've taken on two jobs as he had to stop working and he is a SAHD (our youngest is 8).

I'm very confused as to whether to continue this relationship anymore as he is bloody horrible a lot of the time. He had a temper before he got ill too but don't know if I'm just getting wise to it all.

For his condition he has a lot of procedures which involve day surgery tomorrow he is having quite a big one - I have taken time off work to take over while he is incapacitated.

He's just an arse tbh I can't even be bothered to write down what he does as I already know what you will say I'm just muddled up because idk if it's his illness or if he's just an idiot, I've never been in another relationship but i do know that his parents were very volatile.

Basically before anything "big" happens such as his op tomorrow he will deliberately cause a row so he's just been screaming at me telling me not to act hard done to because I'd done a few loads of washing today and I just sit there like wtf where did this come from and he will just rant about stupid shit such as him having a blocked ear for two days and I don't give a crap we've all had colds my youngest has an absolutely terrible one right now.

He's ranting at me now over towels - we need new ones and he's saying he's not taking our shitty ones to hospital he spends a lot of money on his own hobby every week (averaging 50.00) if I moan I get shouted down by people who say it's his only enjoyment since getting ill, yet he can't understand that if he didn't take 50.00 every week he could have as many bloody new towels as he wants.

I just don't know anymore he's done this as he knows I will panic tonight and tomorrow (he's having a GA) and he's telling me he will tell the nurses he doesn't want to see me so I will end up at some point tonight apologising before he goes.

So what'll happen if you don't go and pick him up from day surgery tomorrow?

He needs you much more than you need him.

Think about that.

I don't know. I'm literally cringing with embarrassment now for getting so worked up.
He won't let me speak everytime I open my mouth he shouts over me it's so frustrating or he does these weird accents it sounds stupid written down.
I don't know how to react or be normal anymore.
My kids are 8,11, 14 and 18.
He gets pip every month I get some Working tax credit on top of wages.

Seriously, don't pick him up from hospital. Let him find his way home.
Let him fend for himself.

Btw, this is a crazy environment your children are in. It's not healthy for them, even if he's not as nasty to them as he is to you.

Have you ever talked to the eldest about it?

So his sister came to back him up and made you feel even worse. She sounds just as bad as him.
Do you think he has an idea that you'll leave and is painting this picture of how you'll look if you do? He wants you to believe that you're the bad guy. He wants you to put up with his shit and abuse.
Don't do it.

I know it's not.
It's the same story I read on here all the time he is usually lovely and we all rub along fine then all of a sudden we have a day like this and I'm confused and start thinking it's me.

The eldest has told him he goes ott and he acknowledges that.

I know I'm been a shit mum by putting up with it but now I'm scared he will get custody.

I'm worried what I will do for money while new tax credits claim goes through.

I'm such an idiot

No she's my brothers wife ( she's also my best friend) and she was lovely but it was just embarrassing.

Yes I think he thinks I'm thinking of leaving.
I told him tonight I think he's narcisstic that went down like a shit sandwich.

He is abusive, ungrateful an awful role model and a terrible husband

You can stay for more or go and never look back.

In your shoes I would be advising him that he need not return after his trip to hospital.

As you already get WTC your claim for CTC should be straightforward as they have all your details, so it shouldn't take long to get your money.

Thankyou everyone.

You could record his tantrums to show everyone. You are able to predict when they happen and it sounds like he goes nuts, so that should be good evidence for when you need it.

I have thought about recording him think I will.

How are thinga today OP? X

*things

There is no point telling narcissistic or selfish people that you believe them to be narcissistic or selfish. They don't care what you think.

Record him, like someone said. My mum did this to my EA dad, who used to fly into rages. He always appeared so jolly to everyone else.
As a child who grew up in that environment I can tell you, you are doing the kids no favours by staying. It took my mum years to leave my dad. He had her so conditioned.
By the time I was 14, when they rowed, I would yell at them to get a divorce. I meant it.

Quit one job take the kids and leave.you will be able to cope