feeling reall hurt, am I wrong?

[feelinghurtandupset]

Have changed my name for this as dh knows my posting name.

Bit of Background.

Have always got on relatively ok with ILs, when I first met them I got on really well with them, me and SIL seemed to hit it off and we even went shopping together to buy clothes for my holiday etc, and she was a bridesmaid at my and dh?s wedding. I wondered a bit about how SIL felt about me when she arranged a hen weekend for her own wedding and I wasn?t invited. Part of me thought maybe she had just assumed I wouldn?t go, as ds was about 6 months old then and she might have thought I wouldn?t be interested, but another part of me was a bit put out as surely that would have been my decision to make.

Then when ds was a bit older we had a bit of a family row over the way we were bringing him up etc, and it would be fair to say that a bit of a rift did develop then and I was then left under no illusions about the way my fil/sil felt about me. But we did patch things up and I still appear to get on really well with Mil/Fil but never see my sil as she doesn?t live close by anyway.

This morning me and dh were talking about something unrelated, and the topic of conversation then went on to Sil and I mentioned that ?it was confirmed that she didn?t really like me when she didn?t invite me to her hen weekend?, to which dh replied ?well yeah, but then none of my family ever really liked you from the outset?. This totally threw me. I?ve always thought I got on well with my mil. I knew that fil had had issues with me after ds, but had had no idea about before. Me and my sil had gone shopping, I had had her at my wedding as a bridesmaid. And now it?s apparent that none of them ever liked me. And more to the point, my dh knew.

Now I know that I really should be grateful that they are nice to me and have never been openly nasty or anything and that they are obviously prepared to put their dislike of me aside for the sake of dh/ds, but I am really hurt that for the past 11 years I have been going to their house, and them coming to mine, and that we?ve been getting on and chatting, and that I?ve thought I was lucky in that my inlaws weren?t all that bad apart from the one incident, and all the while none of them like me. My dh said that ?well sometimes people just don?t click do they?, but that?s just it, I thought we got on ok. We even went on holiday with them. I know my fil hasn?t been one of my biggest fans in the past, but I?m still upset and really don?t know what to do from here. I just don?t see how I can continue to act normally around them while knowing they don?t, and have never, liked me.

People say time is a healer and maybe at the start of your relationship your mil/fil/sil didn't warm to you straight away - but as time has gone on maybe their feelings have changed. If they are happy to visit your house - then they must feel comfortable in your company. I am sure by now that maybe they might still have reservations but you've been together for 11 years so surely that deserves some credit. My mil/fil/sil were similar with me at the start of my relationship with their son. I was 6 yrs older than him and he moved in with me within weeks of being together. My DH told me that they all thought I was after his money and that I should make sure I got him added to my mortgage in case of equity etc. Little did they know that he was only paying me the same housekeeping that he gave his mum and dad and that I was holding down 2 jobs to be able to support myself/house and him. Plus my flat had over £30,000 negative equity. I said he could take some of the negative equity with him when he went if he liked. When we got engaged his dad actually asked him if he was pis*ed when he asked me - and I was sitting there!!. They really thought I was taking him for a ride. But we have been together for 12 years - have 2 children - and none of that animosity exists anymore. I could of bore grudges for thinking they thought badly of me at the start. But I don't. I have more problems with my own mother - but then that's another story.

Sorry but I think your dh is lying, and has said this just to upset you. Don't know why he would want to do that. Your own experience over 11 years is a more reliable indicator than his one off comment.

Why should they dislike you anyway? The upbringing of ds is surely a joint undertaking between yourself and dh.

I think its unlikely that they could be bothered to make the effort to lie for 11 years! Especially when there has been a period of animosity that has settled. If you get on well with your MIL talk to her about it if you can't let it go, but personally I think you should forget the conversation ever took place.
being a mum means there are so many other things to stress about

Some people are just miserable old miseries. It is upsetting.

I'd be more hurt by what your dh said than any real or imaginary slights from the outlaws, given that they've been for the most part civil to you for over a decade.

Why did he need to say that to you ?