Some of you may remember I have previously posted about my situation.
I was married for 12 years after rushing into a relationship with a guy whom I married when I was 20. I was young, very naive and scared of being alone. We lived for 3 years overseas until I returned to nurse my Mum who subsequently died from breast cancer. My dad died when I was 16 and I have no siblings.
The relationship has been turbulent, filled with emotional, physical and mental abuse. I was always too scared to leave because with no surviving family and three young DC, I felt I had no option but to stay. I tried to end it two years ago but gave it another try after his family got involved, telling me to try for the sake of the kids. I have since found out that he regularly smokes cannabis whilst out with friends despite him knowing how completely against it I am. I have also been told that he has cheated on me, on more than one occasion, but he has always turned it round because I don't have any proof.
There is a complicated history. My mums house was left to me when she passed, and I was £9K short of paying off the mortgage, which I did in 2008 after STBXH contributed with help from his parents and money saved from his wages. In 2009, we remortgaged the property for £70K and he sent the money the very same day to Turkey as we had looked at buying a property to rent out. He told me that it needed to be in his dads name as he was in disputes with a previous tax bill from his old business, and stupidly, very very stupidly had no issues with it. I had no reason to believe it would ever end like this.
Along with another property which was bought there from savings here, there is a regular rental income each month which is saved into a bank account there (yes, in his fathers name
)
We took out a joint loan in 2008 for £20K so that we could purchase a coffee shop. The business lease and rental contract is in his name. There is a 3 bedroomed flat above which we he moved back into in September.
Last year we purchased a house in joint names. The £90K deposit was sent from the money saved up in Turkey with some help from his father and sister, which has since been paid back. I am living in that house with the DCs.
With regards to financial settlement, he has told me that he doesn't want anything from my mums house (value £100K, outstanding debt of £58K- rental income covers the monthly mortgage). He has told me he wants %50 of the sale from the new house if and when I come to sell, but he will not pay anything towards the mortgage (value £350K, outstanding debt £145K).
I have previously worked in the coffee shop and I had the idea of 'renting' it from him, where I would pay him a set figure each week, and after wages, shopping etc the rest would be mine. Hours wise the work is ideal and it's a job I know like the back of my hand. He is due to go into business with another man in the new year so he would be looking to sell or recruit someone anyway. However, he would be living above the business, and it's inevitable the he will start a new relationship etc and so I think it's wiser to cut all ties from him apart from the kids.
I told him that I wanted him to pay half the mortgage for the new house if he is expecting 50% of the profit. I told him as the business was bought in a loan in joint names, that I wanted 50% when he comes to sell. I told him that it wasn't in the slightest bit fair that he's getting a clean monthly income from Turkey and I'm left to clean up debts here. He told me to forget the properties in Turkey as I have no chance at all. He is refusing to pay CSA as he has been dodging the truth on his yearly accounts and has said he won't be liable to pay because his income is 'low'. He will be earning £1K a week from this new venture in the new year in a VAT registered company so surely that would all have to be above board?
He went to Turkey over a month ago to spend time with his family. He is currently in Holland visiting friends. I have had the 3 DCs, a business and the home to look after. I am on Fluoextine and beta blockers due to constant anxiety attacks and it's all because of the dread of him coming home. I have been so happy living as I have been doing for the past month, doing as I please, the kids being more relaxed, and I know he is due back very soon and just the thought of his controlling presence makes me feel sick.
I checked our joint accounts yesterday and money that has been paid in from tax credits etc has been transferred straight back out to his single account. I don't have a penny saved to my name and any money that I've made from the coffee shop has been going straight on bills. I feel at a complete loss. I hate him, I despise the ground he walks on. He has physically and mentally beaten me down to the point that part of me feels sorry for him for me wanting to take him for all he's worth. My heart is in my mouth at the thought of him being here again. I don't want him near me. Why do I still feel as though he has full control?
He has told me that the nicer and more compliant I am with him, the more it will benefit us both. Due to working 7 days and having the DCs I haven't been able to seek legal advice because I have nobody they can be left with. We have shared a family car up until now and he told me that there would be enough saved up in the bank when he came back to get me a cheap runaround. I am still dependent upon him for things like that I don't have a single penny to my name. I feel so lost.