Difficult relationship with DH at the mo

[Royalty]

I am a regular poster but have changed my name.

I have been rowing with my husband and I feel quite tearful.

We get on fine the majority of the time and we were talking quite normally this morning. I asked him to take down a load of washing and when I got downstairs I found the pile on the floor in front of the washer. It was a white wash and I could see the dogs pawprints over them. (she likes sitting on something that belongs to us). I was annoyed with him and he said that he put it on the floor because I didn't ask him to put it into the washer

I felt like screaming at him and, to my shame (and to get a reaction from him), I tipped a cup of tea on the floor during this row. He seems to be taking my requests literally just lately. The other day I asked him to do something and started the sentence with "Maybe" and because of this he didn't do what I asked and it massively inconvenienced both of us. cue another argument.

Ever since he has changed his job, he has become more cynical and hard and I miss my DH with a big heart.

He did ask me what was wrong with me and he thinks I need help - I think I do too. I just cannot seem to communicate with him properly. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I have a very young child.

I just get so frustrated that my DH cannot seem to think about the consequenences of his actions or non-actions.

I think (in the back of my mind) we need marriage counselling but it feels like failure to me and I don't know if we will benefit from it. I don't want to split up.

All i can say is that if you think you need help go for it. Please, please do it now because believe me you could live like this for another 15 yrs and then decide to get help and it will be too late and you will have spent i don't know 1, 5, 10 15yrs being frustrated and not communicating properly.

Relate is not a failure, it is acknowledging that sometimes we need a third person to help us see the wood for the trees. Go for it the stress of having young children is underestimated. Spend time with each other, appreciate each other and be honest with each other.

Yes relate is very good.
Also, I know it's a bit corny, but have you read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus? It's just that your argument, and your description of the way he's being very literal, is described quite well in that book and you may find it helpful. I did.

Sorry you're feeling down about.

Best of luck. x

Sorry you're having a bad time, but you're wise to be doing something about it, like airing it on MN.

I don't think couple counselling is a statement of failure, but you could try discussing the issue of who's responsible for what in your household first on your own. Choose a suitable time when you are both calm. Sounds like you both have different assumptions about your respective roles. If you can't discuss it without getting upset, maybe you do need some one to referee it. There are some v g counsellors around and it can be done confidentially without your having to tell all your friends.

A friend of mine is getting divorced at the moment and I think this issue is at the bottom of it, along with financial considerations which are the other side of the coin (no pun intended!)

If it's any consolation, royalty, I think your reaction of a cup of tea on the floor was mild. Your dh is not pulling his weight. You should not have to specify exactly that he needs to put the washing in to the machine fgs, he is an adult man. He has a brain. He should be sharing the responsibility for household chores not waiting for instructions.

It doesn't sound as if you need help but it certainly sounds as if he needs a kick up the jacksy. Don't let this be turned around into something that is your fault.

Crhist on a bike, don't read John Gray! All that will tell you is that 'men are allowed to do anything they like cos they have cocks and women just have to put up with them'. Adult human beings are adult human beings and owe each other courtesy and consideration, that's all.
Mind you, sounds to me like your DH is under some sort of pressure and/or acting out. IE he's behaving like a twat because he's upset about something. try to pick a reasonably calm time and say, look matey, you;re obviously not happy. We can try to fix it but unless it's actually my fault then stop taking it out on me.

Thank you - I will speak to him about Relate

I hate it when we argue and we haven't cleared the air

Suggest you speak to Relate too, and find out what the waiting list is like in your area. It might take you a while to persuade dh to go.