Repulsed by my OH (or myself - I'm unsure?)

[dopeydonkeyuk]

Hi

Since having my DS, 14 months ago, I have not had sex with my OH.

I don't even really know what my problem is but I keep blaming it on a multitude of things.

Yes, I'm quite tired. Work part time and do find my days with DD physically tiring. But I don't think any more than anyone else does.

Yes, I've lost all body confidence. Feel overweight and ugly but can't seem to stick to my diet.

Yes, I found my birth a little traumatic at the time but with the benefit of 14 months hindsight, it wasn't that bad and I was just making a fuss.

I don't know what's wrong with me. When OH tries to touch me, it feels horrible, makes me cringe, squirm away, repulsed, the complete opposite of turned on. I feel awful, he's a nice man and he doesn't deserve me being so weird. I do try to offer him some, er, 'relief' every now and again but it all feels a bit pretty woman, as I don't even want him kissing me.

Just wondering if anyone else had been there? If they got to the root of the problem & had any advice?

Op you're not alone honestly

I couldn't raise my sex drive for well over a year after ds1 and even then honestly I wasn't overly interested

It took a long time of assuming it was sleep deprivation being busy etc and eventually through a kind of myriad events I realised it had a lot to do with basically I had this new role as mother and I had sunk completely into it....I had no idea how to mesh it with being a woman and a sexual being

I had the typical picture idea of being mum in a pinny plus it seemed incongruous to think or consider sex now I had a child

I worked on balancing things , I had a friend who held a burlesque night to help me rediscover that side

I think sometimes we lose that side of ourselves but you can get it back

I don't know if that helps but it's what I found

That thought did occur to me too now you mention it - I actually said to OH last night that I can't bear that thought of anyone touching me except DS, who paws at me all day long right now.

Are you touched out?

I'm a nanny and after long days of constantly being touched, grabbed, climbed on, pawed and generally there being no space of my own I find it hard to be physical with dh. If he touches my bum or goes for a hug I just want my body and my own space. It makes me irrationality pissed off and snappy. Luckily dh understands and gives me space. I do worry what I'll be like once I give birth and have a child 24/7.