Desperately need a friend right now

[lovehopkiss]

My husband and I are divorcing. He has filed the petition and I am fortunately in a position where my parents will give him his half of the equity in the house (and I will figure out how to repay them once things have settled) but he won't leave until he has bought somewhere. Tonight he showed me a first draft of the court order which outlines the financial settlement. It says that the settlement must be paid within 14 days of signing and that he will only move when he has completed on another property. This can't be allowed to happen surely? He says the court will agree. I can't believe they would allow him to stay indefinitely if this house purchase falls through. It gives no mention of timeframe and he would essentially be renting a room in my house. All I can do is cry right now, I've tried so long to hold it together and the idea of having to live with him for much longer is pushing me over the edge.

Sounds awful. I've no idea of the legalities, but just wanted to post a sympathetic hand hold.

No legal idea but it sounds rather lie having his cake and eating it.

What does your solicitor say?

For certain - don't agree or sign anything until you have consulted a solicitor.

Fight it.

Once he has the settlement and the divorce has gone through then he will have no legal right to stay in the house, surely.

I'm no lawyer but can't see how that would be right or fair. It is not your problem he is choosing to buy rather than rent somewhere immediately.

You will be free of him... promise.

Thank you for your replies, I didn't know who to speak to. I'm sure my friends must be sick of hearing about all this!

This only came up this evening, although I have mentioned in text previously that he won't get the financial settlement until he is moving out. I've told him to get an official copy sent to me and I will respond in writing. It's been such an awful road to even agree the settlement figure, it just never seems to end.

Ineededtonamechange: The plan is to have the whole settlement agreed sooner and have the consent order drawn up. That way he can take his share, move out and the divorce can be processed in however long that will take. I would sincerely hope that he would be made to leave when the divorce was final, but surely he should be made to leave before then if he owns no stake in my house...?

You must seek legal advice. It's odd that he's had the agreement of the court without you present? Were you aware there was a court hearing? There will no doubt be other financial issues that need settling and it all sounds a little underhanded to me.

You have done the right thing in asking him to send it to you in writing.
Make an appointment to see a solicitor ASAP. They will be able to advise you where you stand on everything.

And yes definitely if he no longer owns part of the house then he can piss off! He's had it written in because you weren't there to oppose it.

NarcsBegone: it's not gone to court yet, it's the draft of the consent order that his solicitor has prepared. He is very confident that it will be agreed. He is quite a bully in that sense and knows that I will start doubting myself if he tells me enough times!

Hi, sorry you are enduring the stress of divorce and the financial agreements. I have been through it and understand. Sounds to me like he is trying to steer and control the situation to his advantage in his attempts to convince you 'the courts will agree'. It is after all an agreement, which means both parties agree. Speak to your solicitor and think carefully about what you want and find reasonable. If you want timeframes written in or stipulations then do so. Please don't let him railroad you into anything you are not comfortable or happy with. Best of luck with everything x

Surely once you've bought him out of the house, you don't have to let him stay indefinitely? Definitely challenge that when you get to court. It sounds like he's being ridiculous and just trying to bully you.

My ex's solicitor would send me all sorts of shit simply because my ex was his client and he wanted his money! It didn't necessarily mean his solicitor believed it (although he may have done if he was crap).

Helpisathand13: thank you! It's so reassuring to hear that I get to have an opinion too! I think I've been incredibly reasonable all things considered. I'll wait for the formal document from his solicitor and then try and stand my ground.

I see. Basically what Help has said then really. Good luck with it. I've just come out the other side of this and it was pretty awful but it would have been a whole lot worse without my solicitor and the courts involved as they were, he had to deal with what was fair because of that and I took advisement from my solicitor at all times to ensure I wasn't bullied into anything that wasn't right.

Also I refused to discuss it with him, everything went through solicitor. All emails were forwarded all texts.

MinnieF1: that's good to know. Every now and then I feel like phoning his solicitor and saying 'come on, you know that's ridiculous!' I would like him to receive the settlement on the day (or day before) of completion on his new property so the money goes to his solicitor as deposit. So on that day of completion he wouldn't be entitled to live in our current home any longer. However, what he wants is to receive his settlement in the next few weeks and only move out on the day of completion. Although if this house purchase collapses, then how long would I be expected to wait? I feel more confident now about pushing for deadlines.

NarcsBegone: I'm sorry you've had to go through it to, but I hope you're in a better place now. Do you have children with your ex?

Normally when you sell a house, you give the keys to the new owner (or agent) and leave. I don't see why it should be any different in his case. He sells his share to you and should leave the same day. You need your solicitor to draft something to that effect and don't be bullied otherwise. Once he has his cash it's up to him to find himself somewhere to stay - a hotel, friends, renting, whatever. Anywhere but with you in a house he no longer has any legal right to reside in. He's just trying it on. Get your solicitor to earn their money rebutting it!

Glad you are feeling at least a little better knowing you too can have some control of the situation. It isn't easy even knowing what you want sometimes and you are led by his actions in knowing what you don't want! Best of luck, keep strong x

Hi, yes I do. My situation was really very complicated and I can't go into too much detail as I've recently nc'd due to giving too much detail in previous posts about the goings on. Everyone's situation is complicated I know and for different reasons but the best advice I can give is to get a solicitor involved

What darkly said. After he has the fund the house is yours and he has no right surely, get to your sol asap xxx

He's a chancer!

Agree this is to be treated like any other property sale; you buy his half and he goes. Where he goes after that is up to him, but he doesn't get to stay for as long as it suits him in a house he no longer owns.

Once you buy him out he will have some money. He can afford to rent, therefore. I don't see how he is entitled to stay in the house after he has sold his interest in it. You could agree that he stays there but I don't think you can be forced to do that. Need I add that, if I were you, I wouldn't agree. You haven't said, but I hope you are getting your own legal advice.

I believe his understanding of the situation is that he would get his settlement BEFORE the transfer of title deeds so he would still be part owner of our house until the day of completion. I don't agree he should have a penny in advance as I need to find a way to pay my fees etc too!

I've been out all day so not seen him since last night. He's still angry and just told our four year old that Mummy wants Daddy to live on the street...

Drag him to one side and tell him that if he tries to emotionally bully you through your child again you will not even consider the asks (and they are asks) explain to him that this is a negotiation without any foregone conclusion and he needs to realise that and pissing you off at the moment will not help his "position". The dude is actually having it easy, he gets a quick out because of your kind parents (clearly he is not bright, not surprised you are divorcing him)

jeaux90: I've had it all, the name calling, the silent treatment, the intimidation. It was suggested to me to get an injunction on him but then he'd still own my home! I just want him gone. I desperately try to be the bigger person so that hopefully the solicitors/courts etc will see that I have been completely reasonable all things considered. Don't get me wrong, I've totally lost it a couple of times. But I would also hate for my children to find out one day how I treated him if the tables were turned. He's going to live to regret his recent actions.