I can't offer you a relationship

[chasegirl]

After 4 dates he states this. Would have been more useful at date 1. Tosser. That is all

Chase- yes I guessed you were just venting. From his side I guess he liked you enough to continue to 4 dates. I guess what you have to take from it is he doesn't feel you're compatible or he isn't ready for a relationship.. I really hate it when they offer friends with benefits.. personally I've been there and done that very briefly and it isn't for me.. be kind to yourself

Least he told you now everybody is entitled to change there mind no matter how long he was seeing you jeez give the guy a break.

How on earth could anyone know from date one that they would want a relationship with someone they are meeting for the first time?!

It really annoys me when guys do this (it's not that I want to remarry or am desperate to get into a serious relationship and I enjoy a spontaneous sex session or one night stand a lot! ).

Think it's because it often smacks of dishonesty/ manipulation/calculation/sexist power games. It's like " I want you to sign a contract so I can come over drunk and at the last minute and you will run through every porn move and you will please me and do most of the physical work in bed because I AM THE PENIS KING"

The guys who suggest it generally lack attractiveness or confidence or sexual skills ( they think watching porn is learning about sex ) so want someone to commit to it "in advance" (if they were amazing in bed they'd have women queuing to volunteer to be their lover)

So you probably missed a bullet OP onwards upwards and forget about and detach from this one!

It's also often got the sexist implication that "men decide if relationships occur" when healthy relationships arise naturally as a mutual decision ( the guys who talk like this normally don't seem to have a history of gorgeous women desperate to be with them so it does seem to be a bit "in their heads" or based on them reading that there Internet)

Sorry OP but you do sound a bit desperate.

So, if a man says he doesn't want a relationship but fancies a bit of no strings fun he's being sexist? Is it not more sexist to suggest all women are gagging to be tied down into a relationship as opposed to free spirits?

Ach well at least you know. Time saved rather than wasted I'd say. x

That fine in theory, but in practice most dating situations don't last beyond a short period so making a speech about how you're "rejecting the other person as a relationship prospect" sounds arrogant and socially un-self aware ( the op wasn't merrily picking wedding dresses or anything like that)

I'm definitely not slut shaming anyone here (my number beats anyone else's number WAHEY)

but practically my observation is the guys who spontaneously come up with the suggestion tend to be a bit "difficult" and weird and not actually that good in bed (if they were then women would be volunteering to instigate a more casual thing)

Tell him that's fine.
But it's £300 per hour for benefits.

I dont know Banksy the Op said she'd wished he had said that from date 1. Maybe she was indeed giving out the vibe that a relationship is very much what she was after and he knowing it was going to go that way as far as he was concerned, nip it in the bud. Cant really see anything wrong with that.

How the hell would anyone know if they wanted a relationship after one date? Sounds like he's taken his time, assessed you're not right for him & been honest.

Surprised not everyone can read between the lines.

He's not saying 'I don't want to see you anymore.' He's saying 'I'd like to start/keep shagging you, but don't expect anything else.'

Which is fine. But be a grown up, mean what you say and say what you mean.

From what we know he did say what he meant. After 4 meet ups he came to a conclusion, according to the OP which she didn't like.
Move on.

Banksy that seems to be it in a nutshell.

I did try to.listen very carefully to what he said on the dates to make sure I didn't over invest.
I am not desperate at all and I don't think I come across as that either.
I have had previous Fwb and ons but it's been clear from the start what the situation is.
Bring on the next one!

Thestoic, I agree with you. Respect the man for having the balls to end it with you. I've used this line myself when I'm not interested. Yes, it's shit if you liked him, but I think you were quite invested after 4 dates otherwise you wouldn't be here asking opinions. He's let you down gently imo, that it's not working for him. By saying he can't offer you a relationship, he's putting the blame on himself. Thank him for his honesty, he could have ghosted, let you down or treated you like shit rather than have the balls to be honest.

4 dates is nothing, you've really not got much justification to be so outraged as you surely haven't invested anything into someone you had 4 dates with??

Perhaps you're someone he finds attractive but doesn't feel a relationship with you is what he wants? So what?