Ex's GF getting on my nerves

[bananasmoothie]

I split with my kids dad over two years ago now, pretty soon afterwards he got together with a woman from work, I wasn't bothered, wished him luck etc...I was even on the phone with him most nights offering an ear when things went wrong etc (as she was still married at the time).

Anyway as soon as things got serious with them she told him to cut the contact with me, I was no longer allowed to phone him or talk to him in any way unless it was about the kids and even then it had to be brief. He wasn't allowed to phone me either and when he needed to he waited until she was either out or at work.

It was all a bit ridiculous but I couldnt be bothered to argue so left them to it.

She seemed to chill out a bit after we actually met, I invited them both down for christmas day so he could see the kids, she came in and was very civil and although they only stayed for 15 minutes or so (and refused a drink etc) I thought it went well.

Anyway a few months ago (before this christmas) I took the kids down and he sat on the wall outside asking me what the kids wanted for christmas, we were talking for about 10 minutes and I didn't think much of it, I then found out it had caused a major row with them . Now she's started her odd behaviour again, any texts I send him are intercepted by her (and sometimes answered by her!) and she gives me very dirty looks whenever I see her.

About a year ago my 5 year old (then 4) asked his dad "did you used to love mum?" and she went mental, stormed out of the room, slammed doors and had a right go at EX about it, my DS was then in trouble for "causing an argument".

A couple of weeks ago he came to pick the kids up on his own and was talking to me for a few minutes whilst they got their bags together, his mobile then rang and it was her asking where he was, asking why he was taking so long and reminding him that it doesnt take that long to pick the kids up, he then sheepishly hurried the kids up and hurried off back to the car.

Today he was 2 hours late picking the kids up, I sent him a text asking how long he would be (reasonable?) and he sent one back saying 15 minutes.

Anyway they arrived about 10 minutes ago, he came to the door, she stayed in the car. I started to tell him about my son (who is having major troubles at school), no longer than 5 minutes talking and she started bibbing the horn so again he hurried off and I watched her get out of the car, she slammed the door shut really aggressively, gave me a dirty look, gave him a dirty look and then started getting all aggressive and bad tempered with my kids about getting in the right seats etc before getting back in the car and slamming the door shut.

I'm getting a bit sick of this now, sooner or later its going to start affecting my kids, there is just no need for it.

There is a 21 year age gap between us (she's 47, I'm 26) and my ex is only 27 so I imagine she might be feeling a bit insecure but for gods sake...2 and a half years later??

Am I right to be getting sick of it or should I just leave her to it?

she's very childish for a 47 year old- surely your ex will get fed up with it sooner or later. Does she have kids herself. I'd ignore her and be sweetness and light, unless you think its having an effect on the kids, when I'd tell your ex he has to sort her out.

Good God at 46 she really ought to know better.

Don't let it bother you, she's obviously extremely insecure and your ex will get fed up with her soon. Meanwhile, you will have to continue having a relationship with him for the next few years and it sounds like it's pretty much the holy grail, a good relationship with an ex, so don't risk ruining it for some temporary lunatic who hopefully won't be around for much longer.

Agree with jimjams.

She sounds very insecure and it seems you, your kids and your ex are bearing the brunt of it. I would also leave it for the moment, until you really think it is upsetting the children. If it does then talk to your ex about it, hopefully he will sort it out. If it is causing a lot of friction I am sure he will begin to see something needs to be done.

Thanks, good to know its not just me being judgemental.

She has 4 kids, one of them is nearly as old as my ex, living with them are her two younger kids (who get on great with my kids).

Upto now she's been great with my kids and she was fine with me to my face (the nastyness was always behind my back) but now she's getting a bit more "outwardly" nasty and I don't know why, I don't know if I've done something or if it's him she's mad at or what...she treats him like a kid though and he jumps at her every whim.

I think she'll be around for quite a while, he had ner name tatooed right down both of his arms! wonder if she made him do it lol
wouldn't be suprised.

Oh yes she is really going to keep a man 20 yrs her junior by behaving like that. Because men are just dying for a needy bossy older woman in their lives. Bet he's thinking oh it will be lovely when I am 47 and she is 67. NOT. Ignore her she won't be around for long.

she's plainly scared he wants to get back together with you.

do you have a partner? she might feel less insecure if you really involve your partner so she can see you are a strong couple and no threat - I know, any sensible person would not need this, or be thinking in terms of 'a threat' anyway, but maybe its worth doing these daft things for the silly mare if it means a better atmosphere and no hassle for your kids! (if you dont have a partner you could mention in passing, some dates.) basically, give her the clear message that you have your own life and he is nothing more than the kids dad. there's no chance of going back.

i know that most people are going to say dont be stupid, why bother doing all that, but i would say for one reason and one reason only, it would possibly make for a smooth life for and re the kids!

mytwopenceworth - you may have hit the nail on the head there, when she calmed down after the christmas thing my partner was with me and obvioulsy with it being christmas day we were doing the "cosy family" thing and she seemed ok after that...

However a couple of months ago I got talking to ex's mum and mentioned that me and my partner were no longer together, she will have got to hear about this and maybe that's why her attitude has changed again? It seems to coincide with the dates/time periods etc

she sounds very insecure.

You say that she was married when she and your ex got together, did she leave her husband to be with him? if so I think this would explain a lot.

Leaving your husband to be with someone much younger, she has potentially given up a lot to do that, so she needs to make it very clear to all that want to see that she is the one he wants, and thus that he runs to her every wim, and that no-one can come between them. Also, by telling your ex he can no longer have contact with you etc she is, IMO, saying "I've given up everything to be with you, now I expect you to do the same".

I wonder if she's actually not that secure in the decision she made to be with your ex, but that she knows he's all she has now as she's burned her bridges with her husband. - the grass isn't always greener.

I'd imagine he will get sick of it, and her behavior will probably have the opposite effect, but I'd let that one happen on its own and just ignore her. if she gets nasty or her behavior affects her kids, I would have a word with him, but otherwise just ignore it.

Just had another incident with her

Basically last night he text me to say he would pick the kids up today between 1pm and 2pm...past experiences tell me this would be more likely to be 2pm...

So today I started getting the kids ready, they sat down to eat their dinner at 12.45pm and I got a text saying he was on his way!!

So the kids had to shovel down hot pasta, then quickly get dressed, get their stuff together etc...they pull up and he knocks on the door, she stands waiting at the car.

Upon opening the door he see's that the kids don't have their shoes on so tells her to turn the engine off, she shouts "why??" so he said "they havn't got their shoes on yet" so she fires across 'evils' at me and shouts "that's what you get for texting someone first".
She did it so I would hear her too.

She's seriously doing my head in, it's bloody stupid.

Was I in the wrong for not having them at the door with shoes at coats on for when they got here??

No i think she is seriously insecure, what harm would it be to wait for a few mins for the shoes to be put on.

Very impressed that you didn't say anything.

She is treating your ex like another child. Are your children old enough to tell you if she is being a bitch to them at their dads house?

I think I would have to ask her straight out what her problem was and not to speak like that in front of the kids.