Long time lurker on the relationships board but I need advice and help please.
As I write this I'm sat on my bathroom floor in tears. I'm so lost and confused and I can't find a way out of this.
I've had a rough few years during which I've suffered my first experience of MH issues so I feel my judgement is so clouded and I can't trust myself.
In a long term relationship, due to be married but have postponed any planning given my current state of despair.
How do I know if I'm depressed or if it's my relationship that is making me unhappy? I am so lost I don't know what to do - I swing wildly from thinking I'm being silly and that this is a good relationship Vs me thinking how wrong my partner is for me and me wanting to leave and start over. No DCs.
I spend a lot of my time questioning my feelings and it's so painful for me and no doubt my partner.
I feel like a such a useless person that I can't get my head straight and get out of this cycle of thinking. It's affecting my whole life and it's not fair on my partner.
I almost feel the last 6 months have taken such a toll on us that I can't fix the relationship now.
Does anyone else suffer from anxiety about making big commitments or have experience of this type of turmoil in a relationship?
I don't even know what I'm asking or how to find my way in life, I'm fucking everything up and don't know how to fix it