Dating someone with previous anger issues ...

[Louisajohnson224]

Hello I've posted about this guy before
I've started dating someone ..he is 31.
He has a 11 year old son and just told me he has a 6 year old who he hasn't seen for 3 years.
On his Facebook pics of years ago with a message saying "wish things could be different son"
All these questions why isn't he allowed to see him?he is his dad so would be allowed access?
Then we were chatting and I said oh at work I need to count to 10 to stop loosing my temper ..then he said that he had counselling for anger management ...
Should I be worried?

Of course you should.

Yes actually I would be cautious.

Should I ask why he isn't allowed to see his son?
Or is that too personal?

Leave, now!! I went on a date recently and he retold a story of how he spoke to a police woman. Yes, he was understandably upset and angry but when he told me what he said, I left the date there and then.

You can ask but it doesn't mean it will be an accurate story also you might end up just feeling sorry for him

It's very hard because we all have a back ground don't we, but I would say the anger part is more worrying than the child part, although the child part is also concerning it wouldn't be my main worry (it's unusual but I do know a man who literally cannot find his teenage child after his ex moved when he was in the army and has never found him again yet)

He's telling you who he is. Anger management/counselling only works if he's 100% invested in it and committed to making a change.

I'd be very, very wary.

On his Facebook there is pics of his two sons sat together (different mums) so I wonder what happened to stop him seeing the youngest.
He has his eldest every weekend ..from his Facebook he only found out about him (the youngest ) when he was 2.
As he wrote she kept him from me for 2 years.
Whether she was a one night stand ..
He hasn't been to court or anything to apply for access.
He hasn't been anything but lovely to me..maybe I'm just looking for problems that aren't there.

Of course he's being lovely to you - he hasn't fully got his claws in yet. I know that's a very cynical way of looking at it, but if he was an arsehole from the off, you wouldn't want to know him (unless you had some particularly catastrophic self esteem issues at work).

Your spidey senses are tingling, enough for you to post on here. It'd be unwise to ignore them.

Hm... A bit of a tricky one. If he's been for anger management, then clearly he used to have issues. Which is not to say that it's much of a problem these days - perhaps when he had his first son, he was very young and immature and acted crappy but he now knows better. I think I'd be cautious and observant. He isn't likely to lash out on you in the early stages of the relationship but you'll be able to see how he treat others and what stories he tells you.

He was only 18/19 when he had his first son.
But he has access to him weekly and his Facebook is full of him out with him,fishing,football games,tea etc
I guess I just have to see how things go ..

31, 2 children child with 2 different mothers, chid he doesn't see. Had to have anger counselling. I wouldn't touch a man like that with someone else's, no matter what the reason for him not being in his child's life his track record stinks there's too much potential for bad stuff to come out further down the line. Knowing why he isn't in his younger child's life will achieve and change what, exactly? You've posted about this man before and you' stayed with him after that - and after all you must have been given advice here at that time so really whats supposed to be different about this time? You could just as well stay and see how it goes

He's had counselling for anger management & therefore recognised a problem & took steps to deal with it, I'd be cautious but I certainly wouldn't write him off. He's been honest & told you about it, at least give him a chance?
You can ask why he doesn't see the child, could be any number of reasons.

There are other men out there