Hello. I'm not sure of where to post this but here goes...
My fiancé has a 3 year old son, I have 2 older kids aswell. Everything is good with us and we are a happy family. We have partners son every weekend and have recently started to have him one night a week too. He's the most gorgeous little boy, I love having him around and do what I can for him.
The issue is his mother, she still feels she has some sort of hold over my partner. I am 100% he feels nothing for her, our relationship is very strong. She just makes everything difficult.
The latest one is she's told my partner he's only allowed to spend £100 on presents for his son as she can't afford anymore and she doesn't want xxxx to think daddy spent more than mummy did on me. She then also says they have to have a 'serious' discussion on what they tell xxxx about Christmas because according to her, santa cannot visit 2 separate houses for him. Firstly he obviously believes in santa so why he would think 'daddy spent more on me than mummy' I have no clue. She's absolutely ridiculous. My fiancé thinks it too, he will argue with her till his blue in the face but she's very insistent on everything. He's made it clear he will spend what he wants to and that's that.
When I first met his little boy, she made it so hard. I understand as a mother how hard it is when the father wants to introduce a new partner to the child. She took it over the top by wanting to know everything about my past (incase I'm secret serial killer or something), insisting that we meet first - just me and her one one one, not my partner lol - and basically just making life very difficult. I played this by messaging her being overly nice and she backed down.
The last one is when they were together they got a car on finance in her name. My partner took the car when they split and he's nearly finished the repayments now - he puts the money in her bank every month as it still goes out of her bank. He's starting a new job in a few weeks where he will get a company car. He's decided he just wants to pay the last few months of the car they got together in just one lump sum. Which he would put in her bank, she can then ring the finance company up and pay it off. But she says he must go round to her house when she rings up as she doesn't know what to say.......seriously...she's in her 30's and she's saying she cannot make a phone call without him lol. I have made it very clear to my fiancé that travelling 40 minutes (she's doesn't live close to us) in the car to her house to make a phone call is absolutely ridiculous and if he did go I would lose it totally. He totally supports me on this and won't be going.
Why is she like this? I could go on and on about what she's like. She will send him texts when we have xxxx to say what she would like us to do with him that weekend. Every now and then we take him to mac Donald's and she goes ballistic. He must have fresh fruit and veg with every meal. Which yeah that's fair enough, we do cook him healthy meals - I'm all for that with my children - but if we want to go to McDonald's then we will go to McDonald's, or Burger King or KFC and Pizza Hut.
A couple of months ago she stopped my partner having xxxx completely because he didn't ring her that morning with a time to pick him up. It's always the same time - about 5.30/6 depending on traffic and what time he finishes work. He rang her when he was on the way to pick him up and she said he wasn't having xxxx because she assumed he wasn't coming and she had made alternative arrangements. This literally broke my partner that weekend, he was so angry. It's an arrangement that's always been in place but just because she hadn't heard from him that day, xxxx ended up at his aunties all weekend. My partner has no idea where she lives so he couldn't even go pick him up from there.
She's never mentioned that she wants him back as far as I know, my partners very open with his phone and there's no messages or anything to suggest she does. From his call log, I can see she rings him during the day when it's at work. It's always an incoming call, very rarely does he ring her and if he does he tells me as it's always because of when we are having xxxx. I should also add that she's never been with anyone else since they split which was a long time ago now.
When he drops off xxxx on a Sunday night, he is always ages. He will always ring me on the way back saying she kept him talking. Whenever he picks up xxxx on a Friday night he is never ready. He usually isn't dressed and he has to wait for the mother to get his things packed and dressed.
On Sunday I actually came with him to drop xxxx off as we were going out afterwards. The look she gave me when she realised I was in the car was disgusting - she's usually nice to me, there's been a few times we've had xxxx extra and my fiancés gone to work so I've either dropped xxxx off with his mum or she's picked him up and we've always been friendly and polite - but she literally slammed the car door shut. My partner literally got xxxx out of the car, gave him a kiss and a cuddle and we left. She was not happy. And I know that's because she likes to keep him there as long as she can. She likes to have a bit of time with him. I just don't know if it's because she wants him back or it's just cos she has one massive problem with me and it's to piss me off. She wasn't happy when we got engaged. My partners told me she was always dropping hints about them getting married but he didn't feel strongly about her and would never of done it.
I should also add that she never really has xxxx. If he's not with us on a weekend for any reason, he stays with his nana. We now have him an extra night through the week (which is absolutely fine) but if my partner ever tries to FaceTime she will always text and say 'I'm out, he's with whoever'. She will leave him with whoever so she gets to go out and do what she wants. This annoys my partner so much that at times he has no idea who's looking after his son. If she ever wants to go out and we can't look after xxxx for whatever reason, she will ask anyone she can so she can still go. He is well and truly fed up of her and her behaviour.
This women just frustrates me so much. At first when she made it so diffficult for me to meet xxxx I sort of respected her thinking she's very protective over her son and as a mother myself I understood that. But now I can see she's not, shes just one to make everything difficult. She rings my partner about absolutely anything and I'm fed up with her thinking she's got a hold over him. He is a brilliant dad, does everything for that little boy.
I'm sorry to rant, I've just held this in for long enough now. Maybe I sound daft but I could go on and on with a list of what she's like. I don't know. The father of my kids had an affair with my best friend and I've been insecure ever since. I trust my partner with my life, he is the best. It's her I have a problem with.
I know I need to think to myself, 'he's with me and that's all that matters' I just find her so difficult to deal with and I'm not sure how much more I can hold it all in.