Online dating - feel like I'm looking for a unicorn!

[Wren1975]

I've been online dating for roughly six months and had quite a few dates but can't seem to meet anyone who I could actually have a relationship with
So far I've had Mr LooksNothingLikeMyPhoto, Mr LiedAboutMyAge, Mr LiedAboutMyHeight, Mr 45ButLiveWithMyParents, Mr SexPest, Mr MessageEveryDayThenRandomlyDisappear, Mr 40YearOldVirgin, Mr DownrightNasty, Mr Haven'tWorkedInTenYears, Mr Can'tStringTwoWordsTogether and Mr DrinkProblem.
I just want to meet a normal, decent man but I feel like I'm looking for a unicorn!
Any advice would be appreciated

I did online dating for years - met around 130 men, only 2 with actual relationship potential and it didn't work out with either. And that was after sifting through thousands of profiles and choosing the best people on there. I've also done meetup (met loads of funny, interesting women at almost every event I went to!) and tried to expand my social circle in other ways and take up new hobbies. Still nothing. I sympathise! There are various dating agencies that offer to go out and find matches for you and I'm currently considering that as an option. I think one of the biggest ones is search mate. It's unbelievable frustrating as I don't have particularly crazy expectations. Just someone who is relatively intelligent, always kind and who has the relationship skills needed to actually make a relationship enjoyable (to be fair this is the bit where they all seem to fall down - something to do with male socialisation unfortunately).

Are you on the wrong site? When I used online dating, I had such bad luck only very occasionally. Otherwise, it was mostly a case of MrNiceGuyButNoChemistry.

if it's any consolation, my friend is mid 50s and she has been doing online dating for a decade and only just met someone she could have a relationship with.

I haven't started doing it yet as the whole thought of it terrifies me!

she has been doing online dating for a decade and only just met someone she could have a relationship with

10 years, my god she deserves a medal, not a BF. .

Is it the OLD "gig" that is the problem. My extended group of friends are all 45-55 males. The singles never seem to be out of the dating loop and yet none of them are OLD.

I don't know if you have ever stumbled on to the dating thread on here, it's the desperado's meets the last chance saloon

I got really lucky. Was online for 6 months. I didn't actually use the site to look through profiles I just put one up myself. I didn't respond to many messages though because most of them were nonsense but one day I received a message from someone who had clearly read my profile and related to it.
His photos were pretty bad and didn't do him justice so I went on a date with no expectations. My first words to him were 'thank god you look so much better than your photos' to which he replied 'so do you'
We hit it off and have been together nearly two years
My advice fwiw is don't necessarily judge by a pic (as you found out its not necessarily anything like real life)
Secondly don't think of OLD as something with an expiry date. So many of my friends say oh I tried it it didn't work and take their profile down...
Leave it there and carry on with real life. It doesn't hurt to permanently widen your pool!

Perhaps it is my expectation management that needs working on .. I guess I was just getting frustrated at how long it's taking.
Thanks for all your advice

It's called self-selection, by the definition if a male is on a dating site he is not right for you.

That's not me saying, that's the data from the dating sites themselves: men are interested in looks and that's it.

Women look for men their age:

79.170.40.44/globaldatinginsights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/chart_men.jpg

While men are interested in women in their early twenties

79.170.40.44/globaldatinginsights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/chart_women.jpg

Regardless everyone is more interested in looks than anything else.

www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/articles/technology/bitwise/2014/07/140730_BIT_Ratings.png.CROP.original-original.png

No offence, but that really doesn't help.

Please don't give up hope! I was on and off various dating sites after my divorce, went on a few dates, met some good, some awful, some sad.. but then one afternoon I went on Tinder for a laugh - swiped right and met the love of my life, my soulmate. Almost a year down the line and sooooo much has happened, we've bought a house now and life is amazing! We're both in our early 50s

So this is what's happened today ..
I've been messaging with this man (through the dating site) for about 5/6 weeks. We appear to have a lot in common, have been getting on well, he has said that he thinks I'm pretty so presumably he is attracted to me. I really thought he was actually going to turn out to be worth dating. Sunday night I get a message saying 'your messages are ace. Catch up with you tomorrow'. I respond 'I enjoy receiving your messages too' ... and now he has removed me from his contacts! He is still on the site because I can still see his profile - so why has he suddenly decided he doesn't want to talk to me anymore? Did I do something wrong do you think?

You've done nothing pal. Guy's an arse, is all.

Phwoooar thanks for the encouragement. I thought Tinder was just for 20 somethings looking for a hook up - might try it now though.

Thanks Dieu. It's hard not to feel completely disheartened

I think that's very true about the age thing. Try expanding your age range to a little older. I did and was very pleasantly surprised.

You are chatting too long in my opinion. Sometimes people will chat for an ego stroke.
It builds false intimacy. You need to meet quickly and establish if they actually want to date. I met my partner within 3 days and we didn't chat much in between.
Ok so 3 days is fast but don't message repeatedly. Tie them down to a date. I learnt this on good old MN

Plus, chatting too long leads to over investment in the whole thing. It's only in real life that a true bond can be forged … or not.