Alcoholic ex been charged with assault

[sonicmum2002]

I found out that my SO and DS father (13 YO boy) was a secret alcoholic in March this year. He had a really bad accident at home after drinking - fell over, broke his nose, knocked out a tooth and bled profusely. Poor DS ended up helping to clean up his blood!

This started a giving up/relapsing/giving up cycle which was worse than the secret drinking in some ways because so unpredictable. He has an underlying weak heart (possibly caused by drinking in the first place) so heavy drinking is a really bad idea from that PoV if no other. During our summer hols, he went running and had another bad fall (breaking 2 ribs) - I suspect he was drinking while out running but he denied it.

I tried to get him to leave when ongoing drinking (coupled with not taking antebuse medication or going to support groups) got too much, and I was losing my temper and getting very stressed. He kept coming back, always saying that he hadn't been drinking when he reeked of alcohol and was glassy-eyed. As house is in joint names, I couldn't keep him out without reason.

3 weeks ago, me and DS came home unexpectedly early, to find him passed out at 4pm. I got really angry, and then he hit me. I called the police and he's been charged, and can't approach me or house for time being.

Luckily DS is taking it OK - I think it's been a relief for him in many ways.

Irrationally, I feel guilty and wish that things had been different. If I'd been calmer maybe would have relapsed less? He stands an excellent chance of losing his job soon.

And is it normal to get really angry at a drinker in this situation? Am going to try Al Anon meeting too.

Would really appreciate hearing others' experiences - my RL have been great but not anyone has really been through anything too similar.

XXX

I have no experience of an alcoholic patrtner but did grow up with an alcoholic parent and that feeling of rage is very familiar to me! Rage that they would be so bloody stupid. Rage that they'd be so selfish. That they didn't care enough about me not to drink. That they'd put themselves (and others) in dangerous situations. And alongside that a huge amount of guilt that it was somehow my fault and that if I'd been 'better', they wouldn't have to drink!
Now of course I know that it was nothing at all to do with me. I didn't Cause it. I can't Control it and I can never remember what the third 'c' stands for!
Al-anon sounds like a great idea and suggest it for your son too - I wish someone would have encouraged me to go as a teen. Would've saved me a lot of heartache! Good luck op!