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100% custody but what does that mean?

33 replies

donners312 · 24/10/2016 19:10

Really long story but very short version is my XH emptied all bank accounts leaving me and children without a home, doesn't pay a penny in maintenance (is unemployed AKA having enough money because he ripped us off he doesn't need to work therefore doesn't have a legal requirement to pay any maintenance)

I knew once I stopped fighting for money he would start on the kids - he has seen them twice in the past year (briefly) and is now dicking about saying he wants to see the children (but he doesn't really)

He gave me 100% custody - no requests apart from reasonable indirect contact.(phone calls).

Does anyone know what the implications for full custody are I am so exhausted with him?

BTW not trying to stop him seeing the kids but me and children need structure and plans whereas he just randomly says he wants to see them. Refuses t make plans then says i am stopping contact!!

He is a total and utter narc and am following that thread as well as so helpful.

Thank you!!!

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donners312 · 25/10/2016 16:11

sorry yes - when i say i have custody I do mean I have a child arrangement order that says the children live with me 100% of the time and the children have indirect contact with the Father.

This was at his request - i didn't try and stop him seeing the children I actually think my solicitor and his barrister (who had clearly had enough of him and was exasperated with him) may have worded it that way to keep him out of the kids way really (I don't know that obviously).

We actually had the hearing for something unrelated (he was trying to stop me going on holiday with the children). and so i never really knew at the time anything to do with contact would be included.

But there is definitely nothing stating he has them EOW or alternate birthdays or half the holidays or anything at all like that. (or ever)

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donners312 · 25/10/2016 16:15

Thanks offered you are 100% right - it is all just to mess me about for sure.

I really just want to do the right thing for the children but i think you are right - how can it be good for them to have someone in their life who doesn't give a toss about them - have a million example of awful things he done to spite me (through them).

Like refusing them permission to visit family whilst on a rugby tour with friends in the far East himself!! That cost me £6000 to go to court and sort.

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Offred · 25/10/2016 16:18

It is possible that at some point he could contribute to the children's lives in a positive way. Not while he is using them to control you. His contact needs to be him positively contributing to them, it is about him offering a benefit to them. It is not about him getting anything out of it. Unless/until he gets into that mindset take him at his word - that he doesn't want to see them.

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donners312 · 25/10/2016 16:31

I don't think he will ever contribute to their lives in a positive way - he has no empathy for them at all.

he is definitely (apart from being a theif, a liar, a manipulator, con man, arse hole on every single level) 100% narcissistic and a psychopath to boot. He literally ticks every single box! I cannot say one positive trait that he has because he doesn't have even one!!!!

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Offred · 25/10/2016 16:38

So you've answered your own question really!

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Offred · 25/10/2016 16:41

You don't actually need to give him any thought now he has left and said he doesn't want to see the children and you have his sister communicating for him.

Do not expect any childcare from him, take him at his word on the no direct contact. If at some point (very remote possibility) he has an epiphany then because of what he has chosen to do he will have to put in a lot of effort to change the situation, just leave him to do it.

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donners312 · 25/10/2016 16:50

yes you are right - thank you offred!

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Kr1stina · 25/10/2016 16:57

he is definitely (apart from being a theif, a liar, a manipulator, con man, arse hole on every single level) 100% narcissistic and a psychopath to boot. He literally ticks every single box! I cannot say one positive trait that he has because he doesn't have even one!!!!

So even though he's a horrible person who cares nothing for them, and you have a court order saying no direct contact, you are deciding to defy the court and give him ad hoc direct contact .

Is that right ?