Love but not in love

[basketcasemother]

So I have been told this by my partner of sixteen years although he can't explain it.
My question is, has anyone felt like this about their long term partner/dh? If so how did it affect you? What was the difference for you between being 'in love' and just 'loving' your other half? Was there anything that could have saved your relationship?
Would love to hear people's experiences of this as I am at a total loss :(

Beware OP, there's a leaver's script, whereby they become increasingly miserable and dishevelled to gain your sympathy. It's designed to throw you off the scent.

He is living his life as he chooses, please be careful.

My EXDH left me for the same reason. I loved him more than anything but he didn't feel the same and said he hadn't felt anything for years before coming to this decision. He didn't have anyone else.

It's 5 years ago now and he lives close and we still get on but we are just friends now which is what he said he felt like for some time before leaving.

It was heartbreaking.

Jy863 I feel for you, I am heartbroken too! Did you have children together?

OP, there's a new thread on Relationships, entitled "Struggling".

Give it a read, it's near yours.

I married a man who I loved but whom I wasn't "in love" with. Being in love made me too vulnerable, I thought, and my heart had been broken once too often. So I married someone who I respected, liked and enjoyed spending time with. The marriage didn't last, probably for other reasons but I remember feeling sad and empty at the idea of never falling in love again. The marriage lasted 16 years, by the way.

Basket case, I am much older than you (in my fifties) so circumstances were different and it was a cookie cutter mid life thing.

But the loss of in love feelings is awful and itntakesntime and effort to get them back - it is possible but our culture sells a version of love that often has little to do with the demands of long term marriage.

It took 18 months of trying to reconcile after an affair of the same length ( I was in another country for much of it so was unaware) then a separation of six months for him to realise what he wanted.

The advantages though were that I was forced to work on my own development which makes a huge difference. He worked on himself too. And instead of me being the one who wanted to save the marriage, he had to ask to return and we could then redefine he terms of our relationship with professional support, which took me out of the weaker position.

It isn't for the faint hearted and if you can detach, please try. I do so feel for you. Good luck.