so is it normal to fantasise about someone else when you're having sex with your partner?

[wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe]

because some on another thread have suggested it is.

And I just don't believe it's normal/right.

And I would be mortified if I thought my dh was fantasising about someone, especially an ex, while he was with me.

Absolutely!

Totally normal.

I do it frequently.

WAY better than cheating.

I don't have a problem with it if my partner does.

I'm not the Thought Police.

why abnormal? sometimes my dp thinks of old nuns apparently

because to me I would feel as if I wasn't enough if he had to fantasise about someone else. and I would see it as a betrayal if i did.

I'm going to be honest here, but that's really insecure.

hmm dunnow. could it be more to do with the fact that I've never been with anyone else so couldn't really fantasise about anyone else iyswim? and he has, so .. would be more inclined to consider it a comparison...

Message withdrawn

Don't think you have to be with someone to fantasise about them...look at Expat with Gordon Ramsay... iyswim...

Of course it is.

It's fantasy; it's allowed!

As long as it's not put into practice, who cares?

yeah..I mean I've never been with Daniel Craig...

Er yes totally

not overly polite to tell them though

I don't mean to sound prudish, but I think this is rather sad. When dh and I have sex I look at him, I love him, I delight in the fact that it's him I'm with. If that ever changed it would hit me quite hard, I think.

Sorry to sound soppy, but there it is

Message withdrawn

I can see where WannaBe is coming from.

I think loads of people do it and don't give it a second thought so to speak.

For myself, personally, I would ask myself if it was 'helpful thought patterns' to have. But thats just me.

oh yes, have to close your eyes to think of someone else I find

open eyes doesn't work

Message withdrawn

why do you think you have to have been with other people to fantasise?

I never fantasise about real people, or ex's (why would you?) but more often situations or scenarios, I'm still with dh Im not thinking Im having it with someone else

Try reading Nancy Friday's 'Women on Top' might give you something to think about

I'm sure I'd remember if I'd opened my eyes and it was Daniel Craig!

greeny I think exactly the same.

see to me it's not a case of that i think fantasising about other people is wrong, I know dh fantasises about kilie minogue for instance, and I've fantasised about celebs, it's the fantasising about them when you're supposed to be "making love" to your husband that just doesn't sit right with me.

It's still dh I'm making love with, even if I'm telling myself stories in my head. It's still him with me, still him making it feel good, still him that I love.

And I really don't think that it not a "helpful thought pattern", whatever that is. I don't want any of the things I fantasise about to be reality, they're just nice to think about.

I do - you have to ring the changes.

If dp asked me I'd deny it and I would expect him to do the same.

A bit of inner life is what keeps me sane!

I'm with wannabe on this one - when I make love to DH it's because I want to be with him and I would feel betrayed if I found out he was thinking of someone else during sex.

Thinking while not having sex though... different story! As long as it's only thinking and it doesn't become unhealthy obsession etc etc.

i dont think its normal.i dont find anybody else sexually attractive apart from my dp and he's the only person i want to think about whilst making love!

fantasising about being somewhere else with your partner is different,like atm i try and imagine i'm not 8 months pregnant,and that im flab and stretchmark-free.it helps me to relax

It would be ok if I felt like it, but I would not be happy if he did...double standards? YES

Yes