this is a continuation from my other thread- I haven't spoken to my husband for 7 days.to summarise 12 days ago we had an argument. the general consensus from MN is that we were both at fault . I shouted while he said some really nasty things eg why don't you take some of your chill pills ( I am weaning myself antidepressants at the moment)
on day 8 or 9 - I tried to speak to him but was told to get lost as he had done nothing wrong and everything is my fault.
so this is the update- last night I couldn't sleep. I have been on a blow up bed in the living room during this whole situation. I was crying and feeling extremely upset. I was feeling desperate so I did something I should not have. I went up to his room at 5.00 in the morning . I didn't shout ( the kids were both asleep next door and I was desperate not to wake them. however I did I wake him up which he told me is abusive. I pleaded with him to talk to me. I told him I couldn't go on and I couldn't live like this and I would have to go move out with the kids if he wasn't prepared to talk. this was not a threat - it was how I felt . he didn't respond. I went back downstairs.
an hour later I called work and told them I could not come to work as I felt sick which was the truth. so a few hours later when kids were at school I went to his room and asked if we could talk yet again.
'why would I want to talk to you. you are abusive . you came into my room at 5 oclock and threatened to kidnap the kids.' I apologised I said I shouldn't have does this but was desperate and repeated that it has been 12 days. he then told me I was nasty person. hell to live with and general a horrible horrible person.
now I really really don't think I am. I asked him for examples. He told me I had been horrible the last time I met up with his friends. Now on that occasion we were all have a conversation in a pub and he had kicked me under the table ( not hard) he later told me I was hogging the conversation and had been rude. the thing is at the time I did say out loud why are you kicking me- as I was confused. obviously this was embarrising for him but I didn't mean to embarrass him. he mentioned other occasions where I really don't think I had been that bad.
however sometimes I doubt my own reality . I question myself- maybe I am a rude , horrible person.
later I went out to meet one of the friends who was there on the night in question. she told that I had not been rude at all just very chatty in the way that most people are when they are a bit tipsy and was really surprised.
what should I do