He has moved out.

[chippybutty]

Our marriage has been in a mess for a long time. We are both so exhausted. We have no children. We have had a lot of heartache and pain throughout our marriage. We still want children so much. So much of our pain is about our past/ emptiness of having no children. We are due to have ivf very soon.We are both so unhappy though. I jump between wanting ivf- feeling everything will be ok if we have a child and feeling we need to delay it.
Anyway, he's agreed to move out for a week. It's not long but it's a start.
I'm working full time but will have some time to sort my head out. I'm actually relieved he's gone. I love him so much but we are argue so much. I waste so much time feeling awful because of him. Our rows are awful. I sort of just want to relax this week. Have time alone. Rest. Look after myself. Anyone been were I am? Can a week really do anything? We have been through hell-everyone says it's not surprising we are struggling-they are right but going ahead with ivf feels wrong too. We've waited so long for it.

Anyone?

I haven't been where you are, but didn't want to read and run. Someone will be along shortly with good advice.

I would definitely say you shouldn't be going ahead having kids in the relationship if it's already broken but then I guess if it may be your only opportunity for them and you think you could maybe co parent effectively post a split.. I mean any potential DC would I'm sure be happy to exist whether or not their parents are together..

A week apart for some headspace will be good, if you are exhausted, but I don't expect a week off will solve anything in terms of your relationship.

Clearly now is not the right time to start IVF. I think I you need to postpone if you can. It's only going to add more pressure.

It's good that you are relieved he's gone. It's a good sign that a break is the right thing for now. Do you have a good friend who could come over?

I really believe he wouldn't be broken anymore if we had a child. He's only in such a bad way coz of everything we have been through. He wants a child so much. We saw a therapist who said that having a child is probably the only thing that would really help us get over our losses.

Obviously, we wouldn't be having the child to help us but I think that might help.

Thanks for posting.

He's not gone yet. He's going tomorrow.
I'm relieved he's going though.

No- I'm not planning on telling anyone that he has moved out. We are new to the area and I don't have any friends around here.

Hi chippybutty, myself and dh also have to have IVF to conceive. When we first found out we were both so angry. He dealt with his anger better than I did. I spent every weekend drinking myself into an argument with him even when he hadn't done anything wrong. I was nasty and regretted it ever morning. Sometimes I couldn't remember some of the stuff I said.
It took me a long time to get past the drinking and things have slowly got better.
I do still get into dark places and feel like I need a break from my dh and 'our life'. To be someone else just for a weekend.
I haven't plucked up the courage to do it yet but one day I will.
I'm here if you want to pm x

Thanksmrsh14. I've pm'd you. X