Should I dump my super clingy new boyfriend

[amypie86]

I posted a little while ago about a new guy I was seeing and here I am again about the same guy.

I decided to give him more of a chance and things did improve for a short while. My problem is that he wants to see me EVERY SINGLE DAY that I have off work. EVERY DAY!!!!! I feel so stressed out because I'm not getting any free time to do things, I feel constantly busy because if I'm not busy at work I'm busy seeing him. I work shifts (days and nights) and he will even want to see me in the day when I've got a night shift later on.

He will text me saying 'Am I seeing you today?' when we haven't made any plans to, I'll make an excuse and then he'll text me asking if he's seeing me tomorrow. It's absolutely suffocating me.

The problem is he keeps trying to make me feel sorry for him about how he's 'lost everything in his life' (his parents died when he was young), he says he has nothing to live for and is generally quite depressing at times. He seems to mainly talk about this stuff when he can sense I'm being a bit cold. He knows I've been off with him recently and hasn't acknowledged it, I just feel like he's so desperate for a relationship he isn't willing to face any problems out of fear of it ending. I know he had only been single for a maximum of two months before speaking to me and he'd been engaged.

I just want my own space, I have said to him I want to have a big clear out this weekend at my house and he's text me asking if I'm seeing him. Why can't he just accept I've got other stuff to do apart from seeing him? I've been seeing him for just over 8 weeks so it's not normal to want to spend every waking minute together is it? We haven't even had sex for a month because I just have no desire to sleep with him anymore.

I feel so guilty at the thought of dumping him, mainly because of all his depressing talk about how he's cursed and nothing goes right for him. He has actually treated me really well and I don't know if I'm being a bitch by having a problem with how much he wants to see me. I know that other guys have wanted to see me this much and I've been loving it so it's probably more that I'm just not into it. He's told his family about me and wants to take me to a family gathering this month, but I think he just wants a girlfriend I don't know if it's particularly 'me' that he's into. He just needs someone to fill that gap.

I can sometimes beat myself up about things like this and convince myself I've done the wrong thing. He does treat me well but he's so full on and clingy I just don't think I can carry on, it's killed it in a way. Even speaking to him about how I feel probably won't help, it's gone too far for me.

I just needed to rant. Am I being a total bitch?

Absolutely get rid. This is going nowhere, and if you don't dump him it'll take a years to get there.

Oh just dump him. He'll find someone else about 20 minutes later.

I missed the other thread .stretch marks?
Do you not find him attractive?
Maybe you should end it and let him find someone who wants to be with him

If you need to ask this on the internet, you shouldn't be dating anyone

Oh christ is it Stretchmark Steve.

Well, you surely have a dilemma on your hands. I can't imagine what I'd do if I'd been dating a guy for a few weeks who I neither liked nor fancied.

It's just too tricky.

Oh not poor stretch mark guy.

What are you doing? You are not even attracted to him.

You've been here before, you got some good advice, now you're back here, bleating again.
Once more, do yourself a very big favour, and lose the Clingon. 😡

Oh get rid! Do it now!

Let the man go for the love of god

It doesn't sound like dragging this out is doing either of you any favours.

I think I said it before.. dump.
Why have you come back?

Starting a relationship with all his negativity is wrong. Either he isn't ready for a relationship, or is looking for a woman to magically make him better, or he is using sympathy to keep you.

Whichever one it is, he is not looking for a balanced, healthy relationship with you. He is looking for you to make him feel better. It's massively different.

So, do yourself and him a favour and call it quits now. You don't have to tell him the truth if you think it's risky. I would predict he would want long conversations and would work on your guilt to get you to reverse your decision. Make it short and sweet 'it's not working for me' and offer no more explanations. Resist long drawn out convos as it isn't appropriate after 8 weeks. You hardly know each other.

Why is everyone on about stretch marks? I genuinely haven't seen that post and it for sure wasn't me! There's nothing wrong with his appearance and I've certainly never been to a spa with him. My previous post about him was my concerns for him phoning me all the time and showing signs of being clingy, now it's escalated.

So have you decided what you are going to do, amy?

You can't stay with someone because you feel sorry for them. It's 8 weeks and you already don't want to sleep with him. Just let him go.

I know I need to get rid of him, I wasn't really expecting some people to be so harsh about my post. I even said I just wanted to rant but thanks for the replies that were nice. It's not that I don't know I need to dump him. I just find it very hard when I know I'm going to hurt someone's feelings. I was just after reassurance I was doing the right thing.

I've had a few bad relationships where I was badly hurt and now I've got someone who is putting in effort with me it seems weird to think of dumping him for that behavior. But I know I need to.

I'd call it quits now, he actually sounds very manipulative and pulls out the "poor me" when you're not doing what he wants. In any relationship, you need to have space to do your own thing without being made to feel guilty. Especially basic tasks like housework and a clear out!
As an aside my DP lost both his parents very young, and he would never use this as a way of making me comply with what he wants. That's a really low thing to do.

My OH did this. Came over to mine every weekend, or I went to his. It felt like i never had a second to myself - and I thought I was being mean to even think it! I moved to random shift patterns - and didn't tell him when my shifts were, so I could pretend that I was working when he wanted to come over....

You were pretty much unanimously advised on your last thread to dump him and run a mile.

But here you are posting the same old same old.

I think you should stay with him.
he needs you.
he doesn't have anyone else.
he is your responsibility really.
Your bundle to carry on your back.
To hobble and stumble along, strapped for life to this man who you don't like and don't even want to shag.

sounds shit, doesn't it?
and stupid.

just dump him.
you owe him nothing.

I think you should move on. He sounds like he'll only get worse as the years go on.

There are 2 choices here

1. dump him
2. stay with him and stay miserable

It's up to you. There is no other middle ground. The longer you drag it on, the harder it gets. You are a grown up. Sometimes grown ups have to do things they know are for the best but aren't particularly nice. Now get busy.

You said yourself you don't necessarily think it's you he's enamoured with, it's simply that he wants a girlfriend. Another girl might find him endearing and lovable, so set him free to find her. There's no point in trying to make a relationship work when it's already dead in the water.

He sounds like a professional victim. I think there's a description of him in the book living with the dominater.

Nothing in your opening post says you had any attraction other than (maybe) initial sex.

Now even that doesn't work.

You will die one day. There is nothing after that. You know what to do.