Why is my dp such a useless pratt when I'm sick??

[PeppasNanna]

I rarely get sick. I might end up really sick (to the point of not being able to function) once a year.

I've been under horrendous stress for months now. The situation was resolved last week. I have felt ill all week. Kept going. Talking more & more medication. But yesterday my body literally refused to work.

Dp is off work. He got up with the dc for the first time in probably a year. 2 boys are picked up. Only dd needs dropping to nursery.

He was banging around. Shouting. Putting the bedroom light on etc. No regard for me.

Yesterday he had a 3 hour lay in. I get 1 lay in a month. The dc ALWAYS end up waking me.

I'm furious & so offended.

Please explain to me why he would do this? I never realised other men did this til I read it on here.

He probably does it because he thinks your job is to be constantly available to look after the children, whereas he is the occasional parent when he feels like it.

Only selfish, nasty men do this. You have been reading about those types and it seems recognised you have one yourself.

People don't tend to post about their normal relationships where they are respected and each partner supports the other one

I don't get really angry often but im furious this morning.

I'm literally raging. Tears keep seeping out of my eyes!!

Why would someone treat another person like that?

Because they can

This is where I could honestly rip my husbands remaining testicle off with my teeth. And he turns the light on and stomps around when I have just gone to bed and nodding off

You've created that environment. You'll need to untangle what you see as acceptable

Why would someone treat another person like that?

Because that's the kind of person he is.

Because he's a disrespectful knobhead who believes that you, as the little woman, has no right to be ill and leave him to it.
I think you need to have serious words with this inconsiderate prick.

Because he gets something out of it: you do all the work with DC, and when you don't, you get punished for it, by him making it so uncomfortable for you that you never dare to leave him to it again.

Either way it's a win for him, as it gets him off from a doing a job he thinks is yours alone to do.

I would agree. He is telling you that the children/house management is your job.

Because he's a man-child who's skivvy isn't doing what she should be doing: putting up and carrying on.

LTB

Why are you with such a disrespectful knobhead?

Because he's a useless prat all the time.

Honestly there are men who don't behave like this, it isn't 'normal'.

Pull the duvet over your head and try and ignore him and get some rest. I was in bed yesterday with a mystery virus that completely knocked me out, I had no energy at all but ok today. He's being an arse and hoping his behaviour will lead you to sort it out... Go to sleep instead, he's an adult he can deal with it. X

Sometimes we do too much and create entitled and spoiled partners. I'm guilty of that but at heart, my DH is kind and would do anything for me. I'm just bad at asking. Your DH needs a serious word for the disregard of you and disrespect of you. It goes beyond him being a bit too used to you doing everything. I'm sick this morning and DH sorted out 3 little ones, brought me tea and took a job I was to do today off my list while telling me to get some sleep and feel better. I do spoil him and recently feel resentful about doing most mornings, all bedtimes, all meals and housework along with my full time job, setting up a new business. He does one thing, his very stressful job, about 90hrs a week so I always feel I can't ask for help but recently I feel something has to change. He is never unkind or disrespectful to me though.

And I know we shouldn't have to ask yada yada but we have fallen into these traditional roles because he works such long hours. I at least get 3hrs alone time after the kids are in bed. He gets none. So that is why I've taken on the lionshare of everything.

But what about the weekend? Or when he has a day off?

Sorry dolly I was getting you confused with the op.

He's probably been a useless prat since your children were born if not before.

Your being ill has just highlighted this fact to you.

Your first thing to sort out once you're feeling better is sleeping in... "right DP, do you want to get up with the kids on Saturday or Sunday? We'll be taking it in turns to sleep in from now on".

Thanks for the replies. I've been asleep fot a couple of hours.

He wasn't a useless pratt before the dc were born. I had 2 dc when i met him. I had spent a few years on my own as i didnt trust my own judgement when it came to men. The dc were 7&10.

So i created a list. He ticked ecery box on that list. After 2 years he moved in. But i was incredibly independent & he was like an add on not a partner.

Then as life goes we were dealt a few tough blows. Our middle children are autistic. Quite severely so. He coukdnt cope.

Over the years thats what he does. Just doesnt deal with stuff so i do. I am now an angry, shouty, whingy exhausted bitch.

So if i suggest we share lay in, he'll agree as he'll rately directly disagree with me. But come the morning, the dc will be screaming. They will get in my bed. Running around etc. Every single layin.

So yes to answer my own question, he does it becsuse he can. He does it because hes a fat lazy bastard. He does it cos he doesn't care...

Yes i should LTB.
But thrn I'm a SP with 4 kids from 2-15. Haven't worked in 15 years. 2 boys with complex SN. Ridiculous long holidays (so childcare big issue). No family. No close friends.
Maximun state support but still inadequate. (Restpite, DLA etc).

One day i will either go mad or walk out the door. I dream about leaving. A normal life. Friends, a social life, having my grown up dc & gd over for dinner. A job.

Then i tell myself to stop being so selfish. I revert back to my normal life...

My husband left me the day before a spinal operation so I had to cancel it. Now that's selfish.

Bloody hell bikerlou!
Why did he leave?
Did you eventually have your operation?