My husband is a transvestite

[babushka2012]

5 months on from finding out that my husband is sleeping with a "Filipino bar girl" 20 years younger than him and THEN finding out that for 24 years of our marriage, he's been secretly cross dressing.... I'm still deeply hurt.
Although a divorce is now in process, my husband cannot see how much the cross dressing has devastated me. He calls it "just a hobby", yet in all those years, he kept it hidden. He'd wear my underwear, stockings, basques, dresses and heels and when on business trips, he go so far as to wearing full make up and wigs and buying blouses and skirts.
I understand that many people don't have an issue with this, but in all honesty, I feel duped. I also feel odd that I had no clue that as soon as I was at work or out with friends, my husband who I totally trusted was rifling through my underwear and using my sex toys.
Am I being totally unreasonable ?? I'd love your thoughts :(

Exactly spaceunicorn. If a poster said she didn't love her h anymore she'd be ''allowed'' to want to call it a day. but if she says her h is a tranvestite with a younger ladyboy lover, then ..... you have to bend over backwards to show how cool you are.

Well, newsflash, women are allowed to GET turned OFF

Sorry, younger lover, but not lady boy. Sorry, got carried away there.

I would be raging at the deceit. All those years when you could have been with somebody honest and genuine.

Don't waste another day thinking about him. Get on with your life and find happiness.

i dont know.. this all sounds like he's working up to going trans. this is how it starts....please reach out to other 'trans widows' who can hep you through this.. most people dont appreciate how seriously fucked-up this is, and how you, the straight spouse, can literally end up losing your mind. because everything. the whole sudden reframing of your past, present and future. the loss of your own identity and sexuality, the bereavement for the man you loved, the married life which just turned into a massive lie. you have been violated, betrayed and humiliated in the worst way by someone you loved, who you believed loved you but has in fact been using you to satisfy a sexual fetish all this time. you were the last to know. his ladyboy will be triumphing in pulling a straight guy over a natal woman and will do anything to please this nasty, pornsick, lowlife he stole from you. he will lie and lie and lie and he wont stop, ever. especially now his secret's out. it wont get better, it will just get worse. he will make and break promises, keep you hanging on for years and still change his mind and turn around and try to destroy you. and people will tell you what a TERF you are for calling him a man. leave him to his porn. chuck him out of the house. get a sexual health check and an HIV test. find some help with a gender critical therapist. ie dont go looking for help from 'gender specialists' or right-on dippy therapists full of lib-fem Woo. this is so heartbreaking.. please protect your interests. get in touch with us on reddit, facebook twitter etc. google 'transwidows' transwidows.tumblr.com/stories

also read this book.
www.amazon.co.uk/Cross-Dressers-Wife-Secret-Lives/dp/1456478516

all i can say is you are better off without this. I understand why you are hurt i would be too x

Ask your doctor to check you out for PTSD. You are still in the very early days. Be very, very kind to yourself right now. Think sleep, treats, relaxation, indulgence for yourself as far as you are able. If your mind is racing, trying to make sense of what has happened to you, try to consciously still it or distract it. Discuss antidepressants with your doctor if you can't switch off. Definitely ask for counselling.
Same feelings (as described so well by Sonia), different context here. Duped for 20 years. I feel like an idiot for not knowing either. But then no-one goes looking for what they don't know is there, particularly if it is a universe away from anything they or any of their friends/family/acquaintances have ever experienced.