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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cannot stop crying

17 replies

cantstopthetears · 13/10/2016 16:54

I've literally jut layed down on my bed and burst into floods of tears.
I don't know why I don't it but I looked on exdps Instagram and saw a video he had posted and his gf (ow) was in it. And I just sat here and sobbed.
We split three years ago and it still hurts so much all I keep thinking every time I see a pic of them out having fun or just dash to day things I think to myself why wasn't o enough? Why didn't we do all of that? I wanted to but he chose to do all of the things I wanted to do with her and it's breaking my heart.
I had to beg him to go cinema and even sometimes to come home as he would disappear for days but he goes home to her every night. I'm still single and am so lonely I'm ready to love but I haven't met anyone and don't get very much time as I have the dcs and two jobs just to hold everything together.
I can't believe it's still affecting me after all this time.

OP posts:
onitlikeacarbonnet · 13/10/2016 17:08

Didn't want to read and run.
You sound worn out.
Does he ever have your DC? (assuming they're his)
Seems a long time to still be grieving though my h just left me a few months ago for his ow. I'm very sad but don't miss the wanker one iota. He has plenty of shitty qualities to focus on if I feel the loss of him. I'm sure if you try you'd be able to do the same.
Remember, he left because of him; not you. You could've been Beyoncé and he'd still have left.

I hope someone with more experience will be able to help. But hugs to you BrewChocolate and Wine for later

Emmageddon · 13/10/2016 17:18

Oh you poor thing, how horrible that he has the power to affect you like this. Block his instagram and don't torture yourself by looking at his life now. You WILL meet someone who is right for you, who will cherish you and want to spend time with you doing fun things. More Wine for when the sun is over the yardarm.

Tarttlet · 13/10/2016 17:18

Oh OP, he doesn't deserve you - he never did Flowers

I know that you still feel strongly for him, but a man who "would disappear for days" is not worth your time or your tears - you're well rid of him, even though it feels like you aren't. I second what carbonnet has said - him leaving was nothing to do with you, but everything to do with him (being a twat).

Original poster
cantstopthetears · 13/10/2016 17:41

I know that it was him and not me really but sometimes it's just hits you.
I think the reason it made me upset was that the video was at an event that when we were together I wanted to go with him and he turned his phone off and went with his friends and I saw a video then of him chatting up other women and that's when I knew what he was doing, it kind of just brought it all back and I've realised I'm still not fully over him God only knows why because he is a shit.

The dcs are his and he left when I was at a very low place and I think he took advantage of that and used it as an excuse, he rarely has dcs as his gf doesn't like him spending time alone with them and they don't fit into his social life.

OP posts:
Simonneilsbeard · 13/10/2016 17:51

So sorry you're feeling like this op Flowers
Trust me when I say the block button is your friend! There's no need to torture yourself by seeing pictures or videos of him being happy etc at least until you're ready..sure it may look like they are doing all these things on social media but for all you know it's a front. It's very easy to portray ourselves a certain way online ..after all you know the truth of what he's like.
Block him anywhere you might see this stuff and focus on you x

Dylansmum11 · 13/10/2016 17:53

Really need help and opinions please without judgement. Im currently 10 weeks 4 days pregnant my due date is 8th may 2017. Me and my partner broke up and I slept with someone else in June think it was the end of June. Then me and my partner got back together 8th July went to a wedding 23rd July and had sex I took the morning after pill on the 24th but then we did it again on the 25th July and have done since then without protection what would be my conception date? Is there any possibility that it's the other persons and not my partners. I'm a nervous wreck and it can't be healthy for my baby. I really need an answer please.

Zigzigsputnik76 · 13/10/2016 17:54

I hate to be blunt but after 3 years you should be moving on now.

He sounds a shit so I think god knows why you do too!

You should think yourself lucky by the sounds of him! Not interested in his own kids? What sort of a man is that?

TheNaze73 · 13/10/2016 18:07

He's moved on & doesn't care about you. Stop torturing yourself & cyber stalking him

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 13/10/2016 18:38

Dylansmum - you should really start your own thread, but your conception date would have been in August, so very unlikely (impossible) to not be your partner's baby.

OP - It's horrible you're feeling so low, but it sounds like he treated you very badly and just didn't care about you. For heaven's sake stop looking at his instagram - pictures on instagram are not an accurate snapshot of someone's life. Thanks

Emmageddon · 13/10/2016 18:40

Dylansmum11 I think you've posted on the wrong thread but go www.mypregnancycalculators.com/. I think yourbaby would have been conceived in late July/early August.

Original poster
cantstopthetears · 13/10/2016 19:56

I'm hardly cyber stalking him we are not following each other but have mutual friends so it came up in things I might like, how ironic Hmm.

I know I should be over him but and I am for the most part, I was with him a long time so I think I'm entitled to a little wobble.

OP posts:
Unrequitedlove · 13/10/2016 20:50

Can't.. well I'm 7 years on post divorce after being together 13 years. I haven't met exh ow, I bury my head in the sand. Don't think that connection, the fact he's father of my child will ever go. I don't agree with those who say you 'should' be over it. Who made those rules? You take as long as you take, we're all different and you absolutely will get over it. Have you met anyone else since?

Original poster
cantstopthetears · 14/10/2016 12:23

Exactly love you still have to engage with the person you once loved knowing they don't feel the same anymore, it's hard.

I have been on a few dates and was seeing a nice guy for a few months but I haven't met anyone that I click with,and all the rest just want sex.

OP posts:
mamakena · 14/10/2016 13:24

social media is a liar and mind twister. please get off it. pls realize you loved the man you thought he was, but the real him is a cheating scum...

let ow have him, they deserve each other. you deserve better but if it's not there, being single is just fine.

summerainbow · 14/10/2016 13:38

It is at least a month for every year you were together.

ImperialBlether · 14/10/2016 18:11

Dylansmum:

First Day of Last Menstrual Period: August 1, 2016

Probable Date of Ovulation: August 15, 2016

Possible Dates of Conception: August 11 to August 19, 2016

Due Date: May 8, 2017 (40 weeks)

notarehearsal · 14/10/2016 18:36

I can promise that one day you will suddenly realise you don't still love this man, it will take as long as it takes, please don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I was with my exdh for 20 years, he left and I sobbed daily for a good couple of years, then I cried every day for another couple of years but less and less. I still saw him a couple of times a week because of the children. After a few years he made it clear he wanted, more than anything, to come back. However I was over him, it will happen. It always does, give it time

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