Do I owe it to my family to try counselling

[essieestherson]

Please be gentle here...

I found out in March that my husband had visited a erotic masseuse.. (I was 6 months pregnant at the time with our 3rd) after a lot of thought I decided to try again with him.

About a month ago I saw that he had made another appointment with a prostitute.. he says he didn't go but I'm not too sure!

Anyway since then I have seen that he has been calling/texting these women for at least the last 3 years!

Obviously I have left him, he is absolutely devastated. He is pleading for me to give him a chance to change.. he says he will do anything.

I have told him that I am not willing to do that, that it is 100% over.

I just really want clarification that I am doing the right thing. He sister says he was messed up as a child, he has so many different issues and he is willing to go to counselling for sex addiction/lying etc.

Do I owe it to my family to give him a chance to see if the counselling can sort his issues or am I just being too kind and do I just need to stand my ground and move on...

Your husband owed it to you to be faithful. He wasn't.

^This

That's what marriage vows ARE. You are carrying, giving birth to and looking after his children while he is carrying on like this. It's him that needs the counselling - there's nothing amiss with YOU. He had his chance.

He sister says he was messed up as a child, he has so many different issues This means it is going to take a hell of a long time for him to get his issues sorted because they are deep and long-lasting. How long would you wait before considering taking him back? What evidence would you need? Why should you put your recovery on hold?

I suspect he and his sis want you to take him back BEFORE he is recovered on the promise that he won't cheat and lie this time.

Actually, he isn't even promising that is he? He's suggesting that he might get help to see if he might be able to stop fucking prostitutes and lying to you like you are the world's biggest moron. Which means he can still do it when he is back with you because he is in counselling for it. Genius.

I am feeling the stress and anger on your behalf just thinking about it.

He has promised that he will never go near a prostitute again, never call, text, look at photos... and that I can take charge of all the money, check his phone, email, call history etc every night (not how I would ever want my marriage to be!) I think he genuinely believes that he won't at the minute but we have only been together for 5 years... I'm pretty sure that if i took him back, 10 years down the line all of this will be forgotten and he'll be doing it again..

The problem more for me is that I now know that he is the kind of man who can not only cheat and lie and hurt his family but is happy to pay another person to do things to him that they most probably don't want to be doing, just for his own pleasure.

I just can't get my head around how anyone can do that.

His sister was just as disgusted as I am, I think she just put it down to the fact that he had a troubled past but she completely understands why I am leaving him.

It's my mum that keeps making me doubt myself, telling me that it'll be so hard coping with 3 kids on my own, that I have security and a nice house and car and how lots of married men sleep with prostitutes and how things could be worse.. tbh I can't believe she was saying this... I did tell her how insulting it is!

"Mum, listen to yourself, you are talking the most ridiculous shit."
Also, recognise that this tells you far more about her than about you. I expect she is scared for you. Stop talking to her about any doubts or worries you might have for a while. Keep it light.

Your mum's right, take him back so he can spend family money on prostitutes and you can feel secure by checking up on his every move (until you find his second phone) Someone as breathtakingly entitled as your H would probably end up leaving anyway as soon as any naive OW who doesn't know his past shows him any attention.

God mothers really are our worst enemies sometimes, aren't they?! I suggest you stop discussing it with her.