Looks like I'm going to have to go for Adultery when I divorce

[Ulysees]

I didn't realise you had to have a valid reason to divorce? I thought if you both agree then that's it.
I'm leaving dh because for years and years I've had no physical contact. He's a nice man but has treated me more like a daughter. I decided over a year ago to leave him but couldn't as he had mega stress going on with work, decided I'd do it after Christmas when that was finished with. Anyway, I met someone else in December and we're going to be a couple hopefully when he gets back from being away. He's from the US and in Iraq working right now (not that that's important)
So, does anyone know if I'll have to put adultery? I know I should've waited and can't have my cake but I have been treated wrong by dh. I used to cry so much because of the rejection. Don't suppose divorce courts will take this into account though?
I'm thinking maybe Relate may be a good idea so dh and I can get things out in the open as it's hard to get him to at home. We're still in the same house for now and getting on ok. Doubt we will once we're arguing about money

You don't have to give a reason, it's 2 years separation with consent, 3 without iirc.

But you are moving on without resolving the issues in your marriage by the sound of it, imho.

You can't divorce YOURSELF - he needs to divorce YOU if it is YOUR adultery that is the issue. If he is away, that might be tricky

Otherwise use the 2 years with consent thing

I think that you can state "irreconcilable differences" or something along those lines.

IIRC then the ground for divorce is that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. You show this by one or more of the following:

1. adultery
2. unreasonable behaviour
3. desertion
4. separation for 2 years with the consent of your spouse
5. separation for 5 years without the consent of your spouse.

I don't think you can bring a petiton on your own adultery.

Have c&p this-

Divorce in England & Wales is currently granted on the basis of the irretrievable breakdown of marriage. The Family Law Act 1996 which was passed by Parliament would have amended the law in quite significant ways but it now appears that many of its provisions may never be brought into effect. There are currently five so-called "grounds" which can be relied upon as evidence of irretrievable breakdown:-

Adultery

Unreasonable behaviour

Desertion

Two years' separation with consent

Five years' separation without consent

Although divorces based on the last three grounds are by no means uncommon, in practice most divorces are based either on unreasonable behaviour or adultery. The reason for this is that neither of these two grounds involve the wait which the other grounds involve. When a marriage breaks down it is not usually too difficult to find some instances of unreasonable behaviour on either or both sides and so this is, not unnaturally, seen as a route to a quick divorce. Once at least one spouse has become convinced there is no future to the mariage he/she usually prefers to end it sooner rather than later. Indeed, there are good reasons not to delay.

Oh yes you could fight on irreconcilable differences

But if you have decided you want to divorce, is it really fair to your DH to have to drag his character through an expensive court case?

Just ask him to divorce YOU on adultery and it will cost about £70 each

If you do irreconcilable differences, you have to site 5 reasons in your divorce form.

(I used to do a bit of work for a solicitor)

Correct, you can't site adultery in divorce as it is your adultery and not his.

If you separate and do the 5 year thing, it works out a lot cheaper, and is a done deal basically, whether he objects to it or not. Without the 5 year rule, if he objects, you can't get divorced.

Thanks for the info, I'll ask him to divorce me for adultery. Anything to save money and no I don't want his character sullied.

The marriage is totally over, no going back but we're still amicable. I feel he knows he's to blame as well as me. May still go to Relate if he'll come though as I think it'll help him.