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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Relate query

11 replies

FrazzleRock · 11/10/2016 12:01

Hi,

I wondered if any of you know how much Relate charge for their couples therapy sessions?
I gather it is a 'sliding scale' but is this based on earnings?
I'm wondering because, although on paper we earn comfortably (just - ie we do not get government help) we do not have much left over when we've paid all the bills so I'm not sure if we can even afford to do this. But we really need to do something.

Anyone know how it works? They have a phone number but I couldn't find an email address and I do not feel comfortable talking on the phone to them while I'm in the office...

Thanks

OP posts:

wantingahappyending · 11/10/2016 13:12

I don't know about a sliding scale, but the one I went to cost £55 per hour

category12 · 11/10/2016 13:29

Yes, I think about the above.

I know me and ex asked for reduced rates as on a low income, but it was still £35 and the only place they could offer it at that rate, was an hour away, so it would have cost us more anyway.

At the time I thought the initial and only session we had was really helpful, but in retrospect they mostly focused on me learning not to act distrustfully. But he was a big lying liar so that wasn't really going to work long-term .

But I am sure it's great for some couples.

Original poster

FrazzleRock · 11/10/2016 14:24

Eeeek £55 per session is way too steep for us. Though I guess there is no price when you are desperate to stay together...
Could be a christmas present to eachother perhaps

category sorry it didn't work out for you

OP posts:

LostAtSea2 · 11/10/2016 14:52

Yes, £55 but I think there are lower costs based on your financial situation. Give them a call

mishmash1979 · 11/10/2016 14:58

My friend used them and said they were really expensive and crap as all they did was repeat her failures (tgst husband had said) and ask what she felt able to do to help resolve the issues. As my friends hubbie announced he didn't love her completely out of the blue she felt she would have liked them to b more inoartial

IsNotGold · 11/10/2016 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutantninja · 11/10/2016 16:28

It is a sliding scale but it's a suggested amount, so you can pick what you feel you can afford to pay, you don't actually have to say how much you earn. Just decide what you think you can pay weekly and say that when it comes up in the first session. We had a very good experience with Relate, it does depend on how you click with your counsellor but it was the only thing that got us through in my case.

Carlinamoon1 · 11/10/2016 21:36

I went to Relate twice and didn't actually think they helped much at all. We did stay together for 5 years after the first block of sessions (following an affair) but he was back to his old tricks a year later. 4 years after that I found more messages on his phone and we went back to Relate again. My ex was so uncooperative that I ended up throwing my wedding ring at him during the last session. In a nutshell, it didn't work and cost more than the actual divorce did! In saying that it's probably worth going for an initial consultation to see if they can help you. I don't regret trying Relate but in retrospect I just needed time to think things through for myself to come to conclusion that cheating is non negotiable and that I actually despised him generally. Good luck, hope you have a better outcome :)

Mouikey · 11/10/2016 22:19

Look to see if there is a local counselling service - these are often cheaper than relate and in my experience Taylor made to your needs

vanillavelvet · 11/10/2016 22:31

Does your employer have an employee assistance programme? We were able to get counselling through the programme at my work - all completely confidential, and didn't cost us anything.

Original poster

FrazzleRock · 12/10/2016 10:50

Hi, thank you so much for your responses.

We are not married so not divorce costs! Besides, we really want to stay together.
We want to talk things through with a counsellor as we have suffered a missed miscarriage followed by an early MC this year and I am desperate to keep trying and he (being very practical and concerned about our financial position) does not want to. It is causing a lot of pain and tension in our relationship and we have both agreed that couples therapy could be a good way forward for us. We do love eachother dearly, just need a bit of help and guidance from an outsider.

vanilla We have medical insurance at work which offers six counselling sessions per year but I used these when we lost our first baby. I don't know if they cover relationship counselling but perhaps I could look into it for next year. Though quite like to get this sorted asap.

Mouikey Thank you I will try that.

Carlinamoon1 an initial session might be a good idea just to see what it is like. I am sorry for your experience. That must have been a very very tough time

OP posts:

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