Pre-nup style contract.

[Humblebee1]

Can I get a Pre-nup style contract if unmarried, stating I want same rights as wife if HE leaves or CHEATS on me again? I hope so because marriage is inappropriate just now for obvious reasons and this would domonstraye to me how sorry he really is.

Fwiw I would never, ever come between my children and their father.

What does he say about the house OP? Will he put it into joint names?

Yes, maybe I need to go out and get some proper legal advice, because I never saw this coming and whilst he thinks I think the ball is in my court he may still be going along with all this because selling the house and paying me back will be too much hassle.

I want to know he is here for the right reasons because I don't want to hide behind my children, I do want what's best for them. I need to know if we can build a new, happy relationship and not pretend happy families. I find that idea insulting. Thanks souch for all replies, thanks for your time Atilla.

That's quite alright Humblebee.

Do seek legal advice; after all knowledge is power.

Would you consider counselling for your own self, alone to start with and then jointly later on?.

I wish you and your children all the very best for the future.

I think he would AyeAmarok, though I could never afford it without him now. I am now sahm and pregnant.

I am now sahm and pregnant.

Ah. You've left yourself so vulnerable financially here. You really do need to do something, and fast.

I'd ask that as a minimum he puts you on as joint owner of the house. Whether you could afford it alone isn't the point, you need to have some sort of security (as you have nothing at the moment, your money (in the house) is basically all his, and nothing of his is yours).

This way, if you do split at some point you don't end up with absolutely hee-haw.

OP - you do realise that the 'no cheating' thing is meant to be a given in any relationship...and if you need to have it signed in a legal document - well you're just fllogging a dead horse?

The only way for HIM to regain your trust is to show you through HIS actions. Only time will tell whether he actually means it. HE needs to make you feel secure by taking actions that support that. Such as officially recognizing your financial contribution and putting you on the deeds now.

Don't put that off for the 'future' if/when you get married - you need this security now. Plus his actions will show you how serious he is about building a future with you.

People break their marriage vows all the time by cheating etc, a signed piece of paper doesn't prevent that - just like the 'no cheating' contract won't.

I can understand why you want to do all you can, but honestly - there is nothing here for you to 'do' other than protect yourself financially and live your daily life. Only time will tell whether it was the right decision or not.

Hi Humble,

I can hear your desperation in your post, it's really hard when you've been betrayed. It's almost like it's making a lie out of your whole life.

I think the house thing is probably fairly easy to resolve, as someone mentioned further up thread you can have a declaration of trust drawn up etc. See a solicitor about doing this and to get advice with regards to your position re the property. I think once you've done something you can put those fears to rest at least.

I think perhaps you're looking for reassurance that you things can go back to being a happy family. That you are doing the right thing by staying together etc. I understand that because although he's the one who has shat on everything you would feel guilty by depriving your children of the chance of a happy family.

I have no advice really but it's going to take time to sort your feelings out. It's a really hard thing that you're doing. I know this post is of no real consequence but he's had counselling, what about you? Who do you get to off load to? Do you think counselling would be a good idea for you?

I have never been councelled in my life and I probably should give it a go for MYSELF. I feel that we are not at the stage of couples counselling, since I don't want to give him that. He doesn't deserve it in my opinion, I'm not ready to concede anything to him, I undetstand myself, he's just imposed an imposibble situation upon me, because like said before I thought we both fundamentally understood that cheating was a given no no in our relationship.

You can enforce the financial effects of a marriage or a business contract.

Not much else.

At the end of the day I don't expect anything on paper to give assurances about future infidelity. Just want ways to make him earn back my trust I suppose.