I feel so stupid

[QueenLizIII]

I met this guy in the summer on Tinder. We spent a weekend seeing each other and spending time together at his initiation. He was all over me, talking about future dates. I was surprised by his enthusiasm.

Went quiet for a short time but got in touch fairly quickly and we met again. When we met again had a great time, drinks in a very nice place and we were going to go for food later and he paid, etc. Very gentlemanly and paid me lovely compliments.

He said that he was so sorry for distance he has been so busy at work. He said that he was happy to see me again and we should keep doing it as we get on so well and are really compatible.

He said that he was coming off tinder, he wasn't going to date anymore as he didnt like it. He liked me is what he was trying to say (his words). He said he wanted to date but didnt want to get involved in something heavy very quickly and just enjoy. He'd been single for 3-4 years and because of the nature of his long hours he has let people down last minute and they've gone nuts and so he doesnt want something serious.

He said I dont have to come off tinder if I don't want to but he has deleted the whole thing. he said again later we really should meet again, now he is off tinder and we get on well and I am so cool.

I was ok with just dating for now without expecting a relationship s I liked his company. I was ok with seeing him now and again. He kept labouring the point that he was off tinder. He no longer appeared as a match of mine at this point.

Just downloaded tinder again for another try as he has not been in touch. Guess who I found? He has even changed his photos. So still an active user.

Why why WHY do they have to tell so many lies. I feel like an idiot. If he had just said he wanted to meet me without any expectations, I would have been ok as I was liking the company. But he has to mention future meetings, even something way off in the future he was talking about.

Why do they have to talk a load of shit and now I feel like an idiot. He didnt even have to mention coming off tinder, I wasnt going to ask.

I feel like superliking so he knows I know he is still there. kidding.

Ghosting is shit but it happens and it's fairly logical really. Nobody likes saying to someone that in person it's just not living up to all the messaging that has no doubt gone before.

You get ghosted, you know its a no go. It's only people who insist on 'closure' or an explanation after two dates who shouldn't do dating because ghosting and dating go hand in hand I'm afraid. Not everyone is confident about giving bad news out.

Les I'm not referring to people who ghost after 1 or 2 dates (as I said). To be clear I'm referring to those who ghost people they are in a relationship with. It's a shameful practice. Have the balls to finish it properly and don't be a coward. Ghosting is disrespectful. Humans aren't disposable objects

Any man who you have just met or been on one or two dates who starts talking about the future is without doubt a massive red flag; he does not know you so why plan a future with you, utter BS, it's being able to spot them...OP, you know now what to look out for, if it sounds too good to be true....

I think I'm agreeing with you albeit obliquely Hot. Yes it's disrespectful but I suppose if you cared about the person or how they feel you wouldn't be ghosting them in the first place. So it's really the weapon of choice for people moving on because they are no longer interested.

I got a note through the front door to end a four year relationship (where we lived together the works). That was cowardly to the hilt. But life goes on.

I dont think the ghosting is cowardice tbh. I dont mean in the context of a commited relationship.

If you think about it, when a man tells you straight up he doesnt want to continue seeing you for xyz reason, there is no going back. That is it. You cant really go back again.

If he just vanishes it leaves the door open. Especially when you paved the way by saying how busy you are and how other women havent liked it and especially when you you've said we really must meet again blah blah.

Oh well. Im feeling a bit better about it today. I never once through knowing him asked him for anything, asked to meet him, called him out when he didnt get back to me. I just left it well alone and made no attempt to contact either.

If nothing else I kept my dignity.

Well then if you made no effort to be in touch with him or to contact him or to meet him then it could be fair to say he felt you weren't doing your bit either and called it a bad shout.

Men do like to feel like a woman is slightly interested. Either way, it looks like it wasn't really a goer on either side - the bright side being you're both back on Tinder so you can both crack on

Also may be he wanted you to say "well look I'm only really wanting to keep it casual at this stage so it's fine if you stay on Tinder to be honest as I have no expectations", or alternatively "well if you feel like you want to come off Tinder I appreciate the gesture and I will too and lets see where this goes". It seems though it was a moot point so neither of you knew what the other was thinking. Just a note for next time.

I said to him I wasnt bothered about a serious realationship as Im not at the moment. Just dates was fine.

I didn't call as he said he'd call that weekend and arrange to meet. Was I supposed to remind him? I did also say to him I didnt expect anything.

And there was that thing I October he said he'd like to come to me with. He had already gone quiet on me before for a short time. The advice on here is always to leave it if they dont follow up. So i did. Was that wrong too.

He did all the asking then we said he was busy at work, and didnt reply to the text I sent him. Then he popped up again and took me out and then said all these things he wanted to do then he said he'd call that weekend and take me out and didnt. Was I supposed to be contacting him and chasing him?

I suppose if it felt right it wouldn't have felt like chasing just reciprocating and being in contact as you would with other people in your life - friends etc

Oh we chatted for ages really naturally for days before we met. When we met, we got on so well and he remarked on it.

He was the one making al the plans and talking of future events. Then he went quiet and didnt text me after the one I sent him. Then he came back and we met again when I got his speech about not wanting serious and coming off tinder. Then he said he'd call me for that weekend. He'd already gone quiet on me once when I had tried to stay in touch and sent text etc so I gave up and he came back.

But there comes a time when someone says they will call and see you at the weekend, you shouldnt have to remind them.

You can actually share the link to someones tinder profile without them knowing you did it. In fact people were uncomfortable with it as your profile can be shared a million times with whoever and without you knowing. It also means you can find it later.

Now his profile has really gone. Using the link share it says user not found. Oh well. Tinder is a load of crap anyway Ive deleted it a few times since I started using.

Queen I mean this in the nicest way possible but it's a few months later and you are still checking his profile and hung up on him this much? It's a bit OTT. It's on the edges of normality now, and really not good for you.

I think you need to make an effort to put him behind you before you drive yourself mad.