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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he about to cheat?

27 replies

Hahahollie · 09/10/2016 20:08

Been with DP 5 years, very much in love. He is an honest and decent guy.

Recently overheard a conversation between him and his friend where he mentioned he was avoiding a woman because he doesn't want the temptation.

My mind is on overdrive at the moment, struggling to understand what this means.

OP posts:
mydietstartsmonday · 09/10/2016 20:10

Just go and have mind boggling sex with him.

Original poster
Hahahollie · 09/10/2016 20:11

That made me chuckle

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 09/10/2016 20:12

Why dont you talk to him about it? He obviously find her attractive, what you need to know is how much of a threat this is. If he finds himself alone with her, is he likely to give in to temptation? Is the feeling reciprocated?

Rather than colluding in this secret and driving yourself crazy, talk to him.

Forgettheworld · 09/10/2016 20:13

I'd say it sounds like he was attracted to someone and maybe had thoughts of cheating but he's doing the right thing and staying away from her. I agree it's an awful thing to hear but most people in relationships, even happy ones occasionally feel attracted to other people. You either try and forget what you heard or speak to him and find out who it is i don't know which I'd do

Secretsandlies222 · 09/10/2016 20:17

I agree, Forget. He does sound like a decent guy who is trying to do the right thing. I could see how it would bother you, though. I'd be feeling just as anxious.

feministwithtitsin · 09/10/2016 20:34

It could even be 'god I hate that woman, want to tell her to f off' 'I'm just avoiding her, I don't want the temptation'. I don't think it even is necessarily someone he is attracted to, although it doesn't sound good. If it's something you are worried about, talk to your DP.

Original poster
Hahahollie · 10/10/2016 06:32

Spoke to DP about it. Not sure what to think now. Apparently she is really after him, but he has told her he is not interested in a friendship or relationship.

I'm just wondering how it even got to that level of conversation.

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 10/10/2016 06:47

Surely if he wasn't interested then he wouldn't be 'tempted'?

He may not have done anything, but I doubt this is the case of a femme fatale doing all the chasing

PastoralCare · 10/10/2016 12:56

So are you complaining about the fact that he did the right thing?

lottieandmia · 10/10/2016 13:28

Agree with turnipcake

adora1 · 10/10/2016 13:31

BS, I doubt it's one sided OP if he's said he's avoiding the temptation, he should not have to avoid anyone to ensure he doesn't cheat - I'd really not be happy about this.

HappenstanceMarmite · 10/10/2016 13:32

God that would break my heart hearing that he could be tempted if in the right situation.

suspiciousofgoldfish · 10/10/2016 14:17

I would go apeshit if I heard DH say he was avoiding a woman because she was too much of a temptation.

Absolutely ballistic.

If it were me I would tell him to take his self-sacrificing bullshit and hope that he chokes on it.

BolshierAryaStark · 10/10/2016 16:28

That is so not good, I would not be happy to hear he had to avoid her because of the temptation.

AnyFucker · 10/10/2016 17:20

Does his cock have an uncontrollable homing device or something ? Hmm

There is nothing wrong with fancying someone, but grown ups can be in the presence of such a person without losing control over their sexual organs and without spilling their guts to randoms. All he wanted to do really was to have a conversation about how much he is attracted to her

I would be incandescent

Original poster
Hahahollie · 10/10/2016 19:15

Thanks all. Guessing there is a lot more to the story that I don't know.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 11/10/2016 06:14

I don't think he's about to cheat. It may well be as he said, someone who fancies him and if he were single he'd be interested, but he is trying to steer clear for that reason. To avoid temptation as he says.

Obviously it's not something you'll be thrilled about, but he's human.

Hearing it was the issue, but there have been people I avoid and stay well away from for the same reason. I just don't discuss it with anyone.

There is something called boundaries and I reckon your BF is trying to put good boundaries in place.

bert3400 · 11/10/2016 08:45

she may sell cakes or chocolate !!

bert3400 · 11/10/2016 08:48

/\ sorry didn't realise he had confessed ...please ignore me

lottieandmia · 11/10/2016 12:31

The problem is that if he really wasn't thinking of doing anything about this attraction (or if he hadn't) then he wouldn't even be talking about it. I agree with AF he wanted to find a way to discuss her.

Op if I were you I would do some digging. Women don't chase married men who show no interest.

yohoohoo · 11/10/2016 12:48

So sorry this is happening in your life.

My advice is absolutely go with your gut instinct...gather evidence, check everything - emails - sent, deleted, mobile, Facebook messages everything without him knowing. They slip up as Im finding out myself right now.

SandyY2K · 11/10/2016 13:03

Women don't chase married men who show no interest.

OP said DP not DH. She may not know he's with someone.

lottieandmia · 11/10/2016 13:45

That is true Sandy.

Original poster
Hahahollie · 13/10/2016 19:21

So you were right. Something did happen. I don't have absolute evidence but everything suggests he tried to take her out for lunch one day when I was on holiday.

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 13/10/2016 19:31

What did you find op? So sorry for what you are going through.

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