What have I done? A terrible mess

[justarandomer]

This is very very very complicated.

I've been dating a guy since July.
He's gone to uni 7 hours away by train.
On our last date before he left, he went to hold my hand straight away, and I just couldn't do it until I'd had wine.

Weve been texting and face timing for the past month or so.

We've arranged for me to go down to go and stay with him in his single bed for 5 days. Ive bought the £100 tickets.

I'm having crazy second thoughts tonight.
I dont know if im attracted to him anymore.
We'd obviously have sex. That makes me feel gross.
Oh god help help.
Do I jib now and make a complete fool of myself

The £100 is what my accountant friend calls a sunk cost. It's a very useful way of looking at things. Basically, the fact you've spent £100 is utterly irrelevant, because whether you go or not, you've still lost the £100. Once it's been spent, it's gone. She says lots of people do things they don't want to or pursue things so they don't lose the money but it's faulty thinking - you've lost the money anyway so you have to count it out of the equation. It's the same when people continue in a rotten relationship because they've given it X amount if their time - but you can't get that time back - you just lose more if you continue in a bad relationship. The time is a sunk cost too - move on and don't waste any more.

If you go, you don't regain the £100 - you just lose 5 days of your time as well and have to have sex with a guy you find gross (which you should never do) That makes the cost much, much greater than £100.

Forget the £100 and call it off with this guy. Move on.

Emotionally we are so into each other. I guess we're just like best friends.

I laughed at "The Cringe", and yes that's so true.

I called him, he was crying etc. Got it sorted and said we'd just be friends.

I'm having a stressful time at the moment.

He said he couldn't believe I'd ended things with him, he thought it'd be the other way around.

I feel really sad that I've hurt him and that we won't get any further that way. But I can't change my sexual feelings can I?

I was looking forward to the break, will try and get a refund of sorts on tickets.

Lots of my friends seem very confused as to why I did this. But it hit me like a bolt.

Thanks for the advice.

Well done. Look at it positively. I'd happily waste £100 not to have to shag someone I don't like. God knows I've had a few awful shags in my youth that have been successfully buried in the back of my brain never to be remembered. You've avoided that particular problem. Hooray!

You can probably cancel the train tickets. I think I got all the money back for mine recently minus £10 fee.

You've done the right thing, and what's with his 'thought it'd be the other way round' comment!? Another bullet dodged methinks!

Reckon that's face saving Cory.

Pettywoman, reckon you could be right! So glad I'm past all this dating malarky and game playing, face saving stuff, it sounds very hard work!

Er.. he thought it would be the other way round ?!!

Saving face or not, I wouldn't waste a second on feeling bad for him after that comment!

You have done the right thing. I had The Cringe sex with someone once and I've never felt so much like ripping off my own skin.
Cringe hand holding and cringe kissing is bad enough.

Fuck staying with some chump who was expecting to dump you at some point anyway!

One rule I wish I'd known at 19 - if you get the feeling that you're 'just a girl for now' run a fucking mile.

Honestly? Even if you were completely into him this relationship was doomed from the start. The likelihood of his staying faithful when he's just started living away at uni is minimal. Put your train tickets on eBay and congratulate yourself for being so smart that you realised he was a dick so early.

Contact the train company who will give a refund minus admin costs without quibble, up to the day of travel.

Other than that I really have no idea why you felt the need to post this question. You obviously don't find him attractive and have barely started seeing each other.

You shouldn't need strangers advice about who you should sleep with. I suggest you have some self esteem issues that need to be addressed.