AIBU- PND and OH not being helpful

[denimmum]

Was up hospital with DS Tuesday nothing major just being checked over. The doc asked how I was coping and I just broke down. She's referred me to the GP urgently for PND. OH was there when I was talking to her and crying.

Anyway last night, he moaned about the washing up and I apologised and said I couldn't do it as our LB was kicking off all day. I said you know I'm really struggling so you having a go at me is really not helping. Obv started crying as I'm down atm. He did later apologise. I went to my mums as I'm house sitting atm and looking after the dog. So went there to do that. Our LB was asleep in the crib. He said he would do the bottles but when I come home they hadn't been done, our LB was still asleep. So I said have the bottles been done and he kicked off at me saying he was looking after our son! To which I replied I've just been and tided my mums house. He then called me a bitch. I done the bottles in the end and he said I speak to him with attitude. I only speak to him in that way as it's a reaction to the way he speaking to me.

I'm so low and down and I feel like he isn't supporting me. Not even emotionally. I feel really alone. AIBU to be upset and angry with him??

He's also started acting odd and changed his phone passcode. Which he's done in the past and I thought something was going on then. This obv doesn't help my low moods either.

Sorry for such a long post!!

*Acrossthepond
*
That's probably the same for my mum. They have a pretty perfect marriage and my dad is very caring and loving so she prob can't imagine someone being that way. My mum is trying to help with physical changes i.e. Lose weight. As she can't imagine the mental issues. Makes sense really. I'll speak to WA again for some advice.

I do feel like a single parent tbh. My OH had our son for all of about 20/30 mins last night. I then did the bedtime routine and been up with him most of the night. He can see how tiring this is for me but no still no help.

It's hard to think what's going on in his head as I wouldn't do that to someone but he's clearly not a nice person.
Thank you for your advice

He's abusive and the sooner you leave the better. Do get help for the PND (which your horrible partner will be a big factor in) and tell them you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, and seek further advice from WA.

Your parents might or might not help you leave, so you'll need a plan that will work without much support from them.

Don't try to figure out what's going on in his head. In the grand scheme of things it isn't important why he does what he does, it's only important that he does do it. Don't waste your mental energy, because the problem with trying to figure out the 'why' is that it's inevitably followed by 'Ok. so how do I fix it'. And you can't. So concentrate on yourself and what you can do to get out of the situation.

Yes, I remember a counselor telling me that when someone is like our mums, when they have no frame of reference, it's just the same as if someone walked up to us and began to speak to us in Chinese. They may be speaking as clearly as possible and explaining themselves perfectly, but we still aren't going to understand what they're saying. She said 'You need to learn a little English, you need to teach your mum a little Chinese'. So I had to try to educate my mum and bit and she needed to try a little bit to accept the concept of her Son-iL being abusive. We got there in the end, but I'll admit having my dad onside helped.

Thanks acrossthepond that makes a lot of sense. My parents are now back off hols. I am struggling to explain to my mother about it. I just told her that he was mocking me as I speak to my mum often and was twisting things and calling me a bitch. Her response was well mock him back and be nasty back. I just responded you just don't get it. Having a down day today. Trying to hold on the tears

Try to explain to her that answering back simply causes him to escalate the verbal attacks. That he scares you and that you are afraid of what 'being nasty back' will bring down on your head. That he demeans you as a woman and a mother.

Give her examples of the very worst, and contrast it with how your dad would behave in the same situation. Ask her how she would feel if your dad repeatedly called her a bitch or said she was a shit mother and stormed out. Tell her that you want (and deserve) to be loved and respected the same way that she is by your father. Ask her why she thinks you should accept less than what she has in her marriage in yours.

I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. Just remember that there IS a way out. You just have to find it.