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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Please stop looking so attractive! I am trying to get you out of my head...

21 replies

InMyOwnWorld · 07/10/2016 00:03

What am I supposed to do???

1 - He is my friend's brother!!! (warning lights)
2 - He lives on the other side of the world and I only met him once (what a chances for anything to happen?)
3 - I have been checking his facebook profile for 2 months now! every single day!!! (well, that's just stalking!!!)

...and all I wonder is if I ever crossed his mind! (how crazy is that!)

Can someone please tell me is there anything I could do to get him out of my head & move on with my life?

Thank you

OP posts:

StirredNotShaken · 07/10/2016 07:36

Just make a decision to do just that! You know it is pointless - imagine what you would say to a friend in the same position. Your feelings are fantasies....Go out with some friends and engage in a more attainable reality :-)

Myusernameismyusername · 07/10/2016 08:52

Stop stalking him then you won't be feeding into your own drama bubble and keeping it alive! Are you expecting to look at his profile and find he's suddenly turned ugly

Stop checking and get out and do things that's how you forget stuff like this!

springydaffs · 07/10/2016 09:21

Why is it warning lights to fancy your friend's husband?

springydaffs · 07/10/2016 09:22

oh fuck. Freudian or what. Why is it warning lights to fancy your friend's brother ffs

ProcrastinatingSquid2 · 07/10/2016 09:32

I'd stop checking his Facebook profile.

GazingAtStars · 07/10/2016 09:33

Well just stop looking at facebook then. If nothing is going to happen with him then get out there and find someone who is available

ageingrunner · 07/10/2016 09:47

Are you meant to think about why you're obsessing about someone who's unavailable and impractical? I'm sure that's what someone told me. It's a bit like being obsessed with someone famous who you're unlikely to ever meet.

Happybunny19 · 07/10/2016 09:53

Is it easier to fixate on an unobtainable relationship than face reality? What is your relationship history like? What you are describing is merely a crush, but looking at his facebook page every day is stopping you from going out and meeting real people you may have a chance of developing a real connection with.

Cabrinha · 07/10/2016 10:31

Emigrate.
When it's love, you know.

Original poster

InMyOwnWorld · 07/10/2016 19:39

I know I know,
I see how ridiculous this is and tbh my fb stalking behaviour is freaking me out and drives me crazy at the same time - I tried to stop looking at his profile - lasted maybe two days and then, here we go again - checking thorough his past posts, photos, comments and trying to make up the story: who was he with in the past, is there anybody in his life now, what is he doing,etc.
The reality is, I don't know the guy, but I think I do know him as I read his fb like a book - from start to finish - and created picture of him in my mind....its madness! I am in trouble!

OP posts:

ageingrunner · 07/10/2016 19:47

Google limerence

Original poster

InMyOwnWorld · 07/10/2016 19:51

What I did so far is put a deadline to make up my mind: 19th November.
I do not want to put my friend into the awkward situation so I dont talk to her about this crush (which makes me feel like I am lying to her!!! I dont want to loose her as a friend)
I have decided I want to get to know him.... so I liked few of his posts, wrote few comments and last week send him a PM on fb - no reply! and then another one on Sunday - still no reply.
I know guys don't pay much attention to fb stuff, messages and I know myself how easy it is to just click on that notification so that annoying number would disappear - so maybe that's just what happened. But I still feel like I have 6 weeks until my deadline so I should go and do something about!

OP posts:

monkey1978 · 07/10/2016 20:17

Sorry but I think if you have sent him two private messages on Facebook and he hasn't replied you really need to leave it now. Also it doesn't come up as a notifacation it comes up as a message and if you have the messenger app on your phone you will also get a text notifacation.
Sorry

happydays00 · 07/10/2016 20:23

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh OP but he's just not interested. You've liked his posts on FB, (I'm assuming you also initiated the FB) friendship and have sent 2 messages. If he were interested he'd have been in touch.. I think you will be putting your friend in an awkward position if you try anything else..

abbsismyhero · 07/10/2016 20:26

Block his profile and go to the thirty days no contact thread I think is on here somewhere

abbsismyhero · 07/10/2016 21:27

Block his profile and go to the thirty days no contact thread I think is on here somewhere

Anicechocolatecake · 07/10/2016 21:38

Also keep as busy as you can. Get out there and meet local people. Take up a hobby. Anything to distract yourself and move forward in a positive way.
Also ask your friends about his worst habits - that usually bursts the bubble

Original poster

InMyOwnWorld · 07/10/2016 22:07

I am so grateful for your direct replies - I really needed somebody to tell me to wise up!

I like the thirty days no contact idea and it would be great help to not be able to look at his profile and finding out about his worst habit however...

2 months ago I visited my friend (his sister).
We went out, had a few drinks and I started asking about him a little bit (I was very careful and thought the questions came across as casual, general chat so she would not suspect anything).
She would use fb a lot! I know absolutely nothing about fb.
Can't remember exactly what it was she was showing my on the fb on my phone, few minutes later I get notification that her brother accepted my friend request?????
I asked her how did that happen and she told me she send him a friend request from my phone!!!!
I have not mentioned his name to her since. I feel like I am not being honest with her and I am too scared to ask her if she knows that I have a crush on him (that evolved into stalking and limerence - I didn't know there was a name for it, thank you Ageingrunner)

so I think if I block him:
a) I dont know how my friend would feel about it - it could get very uncomfortable since I have not been talking with her about him since that night
b) he would probably read my behaviour as a teenager in the huff (or he would not even notice lol)

I was making sure the PM I send him were very casual and I didnt come across desperate..... or maybe I did come across desperate???

I can't think straight anymore!

OP posts:

WingsofNylon · 07/10/2016 22:27

Oh dear. This isn't good. I don't understand your deadline? There is nothing to make your mind up about. You are obsessing over someone you know nothing about and may not even remember you.

Step away.

WingsofNylon · 07/10/2016 22:28

And yes he probably won't even notice if you deleted him. Find something to focuse on in real life to distract you. Or try seeing how much heblooks like your frien, that would be a turn off for me!

ClopySow · 07/10/2016 22:41

Sorry mate, you're creating stuff that isn't there. You're not lying to your friend just because you don't tell her you find her brother attractive. There's no deadline to make decisions about.

Flip