Please help, I need urgent advice.
Quick background - Separated but living together, 2 kids ds 15 & dd 12. He refusing to accept its over. He made living there intolerable, causing tension, awkwardness, huffing & lately being unreasonable, shouting, following me, stalking me by phone, smashing patio doors, punching wall.
After being shouted down on Sunday to leave I did & came to my mums. 2 mins drive away. He works from 7am to approx 5pm. I have therefore gone over at 7am to get kids sorted for school. Then as part-time after work to cook their dinner, do their washing etc. Then leave before he is home. Also took dd to cinema Tuesday and had them both here for dinner tonight.
Emailed him today about various things (money we owed from his friend, Xmas present for kids, interim contact details). He replied saying won't reply until he has seen a solicitor. I replied asking what a solicitor has to do with any of it. He got back to me re money owed but nothing else. I am now terrified by leaving I have potentially caused an issue for me re access to kids. Should I go back?
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Scared he is going to take kids away
Hotwaterbottle1 · 06/10/2016 21:08
Wow, the iPhone is a seriously weird thing to do and if I remember correctly it's actually an offence according to the new laws on emotional abuse / coercive control etc, - oh yep, it's right here:
www.cps.gov.uk/news/latest_news/new_domestic_abuse_law_introduced/
How do you think he managed to take the iPhone away if you can't now find it? Or how did you find out you had an iPhone in your car?
Most definitely report it to the police (as per the new laws in the link above) although it might be harder if you no longer have the evidence.
It sounds like your STBXH is not a million miles from mine. I let my situation get far, far worse by naively believing that things would soon settle. I'm really pleased you seem to be on the ball already. Please tell me you have received legal advice already? Some really good lawyers only charge £60-£100 for a first meeting, I can't stress enough how much hassle I would have saved if I'd sought legal advice sooner than 12 months after separation. Your best course of action right now is to get clued up on the legal factors that may come into play if your STBXH decides to play it nasty.
Hugs and strength to you 
please keep us posted
Thank you Hotwaterbottle
Okay, this is good. So your STBXH actually told somebody. This is very good. If your friend's husband doesn't find the phone, I would suggest that you call the police anyway right after. Tonight. Because you have a witness! And it is a legal offence to obstruct police work - so the person who told you this will have to tell the truth to the police or possibly face some serious consequences. I'm saying this because I'm assuming the person who told you is a trusted friend of XH's as he'd been stupid enough to tell it in the first place! Thank goodness. I love it when nasty people bring in their own ropes to hang themselves on.
I would seriously encourage you to call the police tonight whether or not your friend's husband locates the phone. The police can have an even better look with their skills and equipment. I am so relieved that you have a witness whom XH told this to. Please call the police tonight.
Actually, if I was you, I would call the police before your friend's husband inspects the car. So you would actually call the police to inspect the car as it is their job, after all. And you don't need to find the phone first because you have a witness. I would say based on my experience the police will take you more seriously if you invite them to inspect the car rather than first trying to find the phone with the help of a friend. You already have enough evidence to make the phone call because of the witness.
Hi Hotwaterbottle :)
I'm just really concerned that you will miss this opportunity to have black-and-white evidence of your STBXH's dodginess.
What if the iPhone isn't there anymore?
And you have to wait nearly a week?
I'm just saying that if and only if your STBXH turns out to play dirty like my XH has, you need all the evidence you can possibly get to support you, and this is a crucial event in that your STBXH has done / is doing something illegal- so you are entitled to get the police involved.
I can't tell you how relieved I am that I once reported XH to the police a year before your separation. That police report from years ago is worth so much right now as it shows that I haven't just suddenly started to make up allegations but that there was something dark going on back then already.
If it wasn't for that one police report from years ago, I think it would be much easier for the people, including the Judge, to discount my allegations as something I made up after-the-fact.
I'm only giving you advice based on the worst case scenario that your STBXH will play it dirty just like mine has. In fact, he is factually already playing it dirty --- tracking your car FFS!
I would advice you to reconsider and .... yes, you might lose a good friend over this but if he/she was truly a good friend, they should understand that your XH has broken the law with his actions and that it is a police matter!
At the end of the day, it is a choice between losing your friend's trust and losing your proper access to your children.
This is my honest view. I want to also add that I have lost about 95% of people I considered my friends bit by bit after my separation from XH, especially as the court proceedings started. XH has simply turned anyone and everyone against me who will listen, and that it is well possible that you will end up losing this friendship anyway, at which point you may be kicking yourself for having played it nice and taken your friend's trust into consideration. Don't get me wrong, I'm loyal to a fault, but this very loyalty is what got me into trouble, not wanting to badmouth my XH and protecting his image while he went behind the scenes convincing others that I was doing something absolutely horrifying with regards to how I 'treated' him (by reporting his bust-in at my flat to the cops and finally taking him to court to get proper access to DS).
I lost some friends that I considered some of my very best friends, along with a gazillion acquaintances. I never thought it would come to that.
In black and white, your situation is this: you know XH is engaging in illegal activity. It is your duty to report it. It is your friend's duty to give the police an honest account of what they heard. If your friend has a problem with this, it really is your friend's problem. It is not your problem. You are doing your duty which is to report a criminal activity. To not get the police involved means risking losing a crucial piece of evidence about your XH's dirty tactics. He is already playing it dirty, and it will be something of a miracle if he suddenly out of the blue starts playing it nice. My experience is that they only keep playing it dirtier and dirtier and dirtier and the stakes get raised.
I sincerely hope you will consider this view and seriously consider calling the police ASAP to report your XH's criminal activity. I wish I had read other people's experiences with regards to divorce and child arrangements when all the trouble started so that I could have learned from their advice but no, I made my own mistakes first by being naive and loyal to people, and the only consolation I get now is if somebody else can use my experience to their advantage in fighting for what it right.
OP you need to report every single bit of violence and breaking the law he does. It's really important.
And contact WA for further advice.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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