Anyone been through mediation??

[wobblyknicks]

Have to go to mediation with UH to try and sort out financial stuff and arrangements for dd. Although he's trying to make out he's 'so willing' to go and just 'wants to sort things out' I know full well that he's going to try and be the biggest tosser ever and screw me over as much as possible.

Has anyone here been through mediation with someone who doesn't understand the words 'fair' and 'compromise'?? Any tips??

Message withdrawn

Sorry harman. If its any consolation, they always manage to make it sound worse for you than it actually is. When I left my ex he made out that he'd be able to slag me off so much he'd get custody of dd. that he'd do this that and the other - and at the time my head was all over the place and it worried me. But 7 months down the line, the dust has settled, I've realised there's not much he can do. The worst he can do is just p**s about a lot (which he's doing very well).

He won't be able to do anything (legally) which would be unfair on you. Of course he's got certain rights, but so have you and there's nothing you can do about that. He might want his own way but he can't get it just because he wants to. Just stick to your guns and try not to let him bother you too much.

I know how hard that is though, (some) men just do anything to wind you up - horrible isn't it?

Wow wobblyknickers I was going to post exactly the same question. We were suspose to be going next week but having to delay it. I too would appriciate some feed back. Feel I don't want ot be taken for an idiot either and could do with finding out how it works

great minds think alike mumski!!! I've got to go for a first meeting tommorrow morning to assess the case, which UH won't be at, and then the proper meetings start. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes - I'm glad someone else is about to go through it too.

WK I'll be thinking of you and hope it goes ok. I don't do confrontation very well so may be it might suit me?!?
good luck

Thanks mumski! UH won't be there tommorrow but I'm not looking forward to the whole business. I don't mind confrontation but it does my head in how much he portrays himself as the 'good guy' and I have to respect his rights when really I'd like to tell him what a b*ard he is and get him out of my life forever.

Just remember that mediation only works if you both want it to and you can trust each other. If there is no trust, then you won't be able to reach an agreement. Any agreement reached through mediation does not have any legal effect, unless it is ratified by a court order. It can show intention, but is not binding.

Yes i have been, what do you want to know? They have no choice to be fair and listen, you are not allowed to talk over each other, and they really try and steer you away from blame and bitching. I found it very painful to be honest but that was more to do with the fact i couldn't believe things had got to that stage. I would say don't agree to anything you are not sure about, wait until you go home and think, you feel a sense of pressure to sort it out there and then. it is not neccessary go home and decide for the next mediation session. Also have someone waiting for you outside, i cried a lot and could have done with some fun after. Good luck Wobbly.

Good luck for today, WK. Hope it all goes well for you.

If the h is trying to demand something unreasonable- would the mediator come to your rescue? Also if you finally agree access/finance etc I guess he can't be held to it like you say freckle unless the court has approved it. What does it involve and if he doesn't comply what happens then?

We went through Mediation - x2b just stuck to his guns and would not budge it was worthless and a complete waste of time.

I felt let down by the mediator as she just allowed him to get away with dictating to her what he thought was 'right' as he did to me!!

The mediator does not come to your rescue - she is really just there to stop the whole meeting turning into a slanging match IMO - almost like a teacher to an extent but without the wealth of knowledge to impart!!

Message withdrawn

Expect a kick in your head, a big wake up call and a new life of really, really growing up

Wobblyknickers how did you get on?

Message withdrawn

Sorry everyone - have only just got on the pc again. Monday was a lot better than I expected - had a female mediator and she seemed like she was trying to be more on my side than I was. I was thinking I just had to 'keep a stiff upper lip' and get on with it, but she was asking me things like would I be too scared of UH to discuss things properly, would I be worried about him following me home etc etc. So they seem really thorough. She explained all about the mediation, pretty straightforward, and now I've got a week to decide if I want to do it and return the t&c's they give you if I want to go ahead. She was only the assessor though, not the mediator that will be conducting the whole thing but you get to choose whether you want a male or female so I've gone for female which should hopefully make things feel a bit easier.

She has to assess the chances of successful mediation first though and it seems we may not even get to have mediation because, as its a domestic violence case, she says they get turned down by the mediation service a lot more than other cases because of the animosity aspect. So I may not be going through it after all, it may be straight to the court for me but I'll let you know.

FF, any advice is gratefully recieved - and if I get a kick in the head, he'll lose his bollocks, believe me. I'm not standing for any more s**t.

Freckle - I don't trust him as far as I can spit on him but I've got to try mediation or else I don't get funding. So we'll see how it goes!!

Twinkie - sounds like a bad experience. If the mediator is c**p, I'll just go back to the solicitor and take it from there. At least she's decent, so I've got something to fall back on.

Essbee - hope it goes ok. Give me a ring afterwards if there's any trouble.