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Original poster

Can he force me to sell my house?

50 replies

Senga67 · 04/10/2016 20:46

XH left 13 years ago as having an affair.We are now divorced.XH paid maintenance (decided by him and not through a court order) for DD1 until she was 18 and is continuing to do so for DD2 who is now 16.After an argument last week, he shouted at me that it was time to sell the house as he wanted his half of the money.The mortgage is still in joint names but it has been me that's paid it from my own account and maintained the home completely by myself whilst bringing up the DC.Any advice as to where I stand on this?

OP posts:

RealityCheque · 05/10/2016 06:24

Sorry Lilac, but that is simply nonsense. In your example, he wouldn't 'still be due 30k' at all. He would still be due the same percentage of the current value. That's simply the way it works. It would not be fair if the OP was the sole beneficiary of any increase in value simply due the market increasing.

FWIW, 50-50 is the starting point these days and it is very unlikely to argue as much as '70-30' these days especially since the children are almost grown up. That ship has probably sailed, I am afraid.

SexTrainGlue · 05/10/2016 07:10

"work out in your own mind what you think is fair"

I think you would be better taking proper advice on what is the likely range which would be awarded, then negotiating for a point within that which is acceptable to you.

Bear in mind that he'll be doing exactly the same.

You will not be fully free of this man until your finances are formally severed. Because until that happens, you each have claim on the other, and assets remain joint marital assets.

I don't know how you will magic up the money for a solicitor. But I'm pretty sure that you are unlikely to secure a fair settlement if you don't, and it really is time to get this sorted, rather than having it hang over you for more years.

Ausernotanumber · 05/10/2016 07:13

You need to ignore all the advice and speculation in this thread and get to a solicitor.

Groundhogday2016 · 05/10/2016 07:15

The sell it when the child reaches 18 is a myth. Unless of course both parties agree.

The court ordered I had to sell my home and divide the equity and I had two small children. I had also paid the mortgage on my own for a long time.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/10/2016 07:16

I stress that I'm not a lawyer, but I would expect if it went to court, any order for sale would be delayed 2 years until your oldest is 18.

Not necessarily. It isn't that simple.

Lilacs post isn't true I'm afraid.

DorynownotFloundering · 05/10/2016 07:21

Do nothing but get saving as much as you can, then get yourself a few half hour with a solicitor ASAP just to check & proceed from there.

TheNaze73 · 05/10/2016 07:22

Get legal advice, beg steal or borrow to get the money together.
Most of the information given on this thread, is simply not true & misleading

Ausernotanumber · 05/10/2016 07:23

Not all solicitors do a free half hour. Please don't assume they do.

You really really need to ignore the advice here and go to a solicitor.

Cabrinha · 05/10/2016 07:24

When I told her to work out what she thinks is fair, I also told her - several times I think - to see a solicitor.

But I do think she should think about what's fair in advance of that. Perhaps it's my use of the word fair. I don't mean "he's a cheating shit so it's fair he gets nothing", but fair within a legal framework.

In my mind, you work out it's fair to give him 15% (or whatever) and then adjust that or not if the solicitor says the range is likely to be 10%-40%.

I absolutely think the best advice that everyone has given is to see a solicitor. There's no question of not affording it, she can't afford not to.

But she will cut the cost of solicitor time if she has already got herself clued up and given some thought to what is a fair settlement.

For example, it's better to spend (or rather buy!) an hour of solicitor time when you go in with the house value from 13 years ago already researched, and details of the mortgage paid then and now, than to buy an hour of a solicitor telling you that you'll need them.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/10/2016 07:25

Most of the information given on this thread, is simply not true & misleading

Completely agree

Ausernotanumber · 05/10/2016 07:33

The valuation from 13 years ago is likely to be completely irrelevant.

This shows why, even if it's a simple divorce, you need a solicitor. No way should this have been signed off without a financial settlement.

RebootYourEngine · 05/10/2016 07:33

Do you have anything in writing that the amount he gives you is child maintenance because he could argue that the money was for your child and the mortgage.

HyacinthFuckit · 05/10/2016 07:36

Get a solicitor. Pay for one. By all means do research beforehand, obviously go in knowing how much the mortgage is now, was then, value now and then etc. But expect to pay for proper legal advice. However much you think you can't afford to pay for one, you can afford to scrimp on legal advice even less. That's what got you into this mess in the first place.

Groundhogday2016 · 05/10/2016 07:40

When I divorced people told me, oh you'll get the house until the dc are 18. That is outdated advice.

My case went to court. Fortunately my solicitor prepared me for the fact I would have to sell up which is what happened.

Everyone's situation is unique of course.

HyacinthFuckit · 05/10/2016 07:42

Another thing that's not come up is that if OP has paid 100% of all maintenance costs for the past decade, that should also be reflected in the agreement.

lilybetsy · 05/10/2016 07:50

You MUST see a good solicitor . That's it, or you could lose a great deal more than any solicitor will cost. Some will allow you pay over time, but you MUST get robust legal advice .

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/10/2016 08:02

Another thing that's not come up is that if OP has paid 100% of all maintenance costs for the past decade, that should also be reflected in the agreement.

Again, very much depends.

Garthmarenghi · 05/10/2016 08:05

Yes. Solicitor. Don't let this slide, because your ex H will be seeking advice and getting his ducks in a row.

A lady I worked with had a similar situation. They did a diy amicable divorce and the financials were not sorted at all because the H agreed that the house would be left to their only child, so he just moved in with his new lady.

Ten years on my friend inherited a large sum of money when her mother died. ExH found out and decided to come after her pension and the marital house. A settlement was eventually reached via court. This is no time to be making offers yourself and trying to negotiate direct.

HyacinthFuckit · 05/10/2016 08:16

Does it piglet? Its not my area of law, but I was under the impression maintenance costs are one of the things that definitely have to be factored in. Obviously they don't outweigh everything else of course, but they're one of the things to be considered.

RideLikeTheWindBullseye · 05/10/2016 09:26

I am currently going through a divorce in Scotland. I recently sought independent legal advice with a solicitor charging £300 per hour (!) as I am sacking my current solicitor.

My ex currently pays half mortgage, buildings and contents but I can have it put into 'the Record' that I want to stay in the family home until my youngest reaches 16/leaves higher education etc, that I will make the mortgage payments on my own after the divorce is finalised; this way IF I am forced to sell further down the line he will not benefit from any increase of equity in the home. That is what I have been told.

RideLikeTheWindBullseye · 05/10/2016 09:34

I managed to get a free valuation from Slater Hogg & Howison by pretending 'we' were considering selling, I felt terrible having to lie but could not afford the cost at the time. It was a couple of hours of my life showing the guy around the house and had to chase them a couple of times to email me the valuation in writing.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/10/2016 09:50

I am currently going through a divorce in Scotland

Where the system and law for divorce is different to rUK.

RideLikeTheWindBullseye · 05/10/2016 10:16

Absolutely Piglet which is why I was careful to mention my location. The above that I've mentioned should still give the OP food for thought to discuss with her solicitor and options for investigating local estate agencies re valuation. There is no way OP should NOT consider going further without legal representation.

Original poster

Senga67 · 05/10/2016 19:39

Thank you everyone for the kind advice that you are giving me.I have decided to start saving as and when I can to pay for a solicitor when the time comes.As suggested further up this post....I am saying and doing nothing until XH plays his cards and then, God Willing I will be ready for him.
During the divorce I was indeed advised by my Solicitor to go for a financial settlement but after 'careful' consideration I decided against it as I couldn't afford for the divorce proceedings to go on for any longer.
Given that I had never refused my XH the use of my home for 13 years to see the DC, never refused him access to them EVER or made anything difficult for him I firmly believed that he would fuck off out of my life as soon as DC were old enough to visit him at his place and I would have some sort of 'pay back' for making things so easy for him (in all honesty though it was about making sure the DC were happy) in all that time.
Cheers to you all.

OP posts:

UpLighter · 05/10/2016 20:02

Sorry to hear about this all.
Again would say seek legal advice as priority.
It was also said to stop paying your mortgage, I would suggest this is a dangerous road to go down. The bank will report it on both your credit files (harder to raise finance in the future) and they will take recovery action to get possession of the house. This can be £2k easily in costs alone.
Good luck with it all

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