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Original poster

Kinky sex

52 replies

user1475512791 · 04/10/2016 12:22

Probably should post this in the sex forum but I'm not allowed as I am a new member.
I have been with my partner for about 18 months. When we first met he was instantly aroused but over a few months we found he needed Viagra on most occasions (not all).
He watches a lot of porn & now seems to need more and more kinky sex just to get a semi ! It leaves me feeling very inadequate & unattractive.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1475512791 · 04/10/2016 14:53

His fantasy - generally is - although I did enjoy it up to the point of no reaction from his body - then felt flat & pissed off.

Think I may as wear a massive pair of Bridget Jones & save my money the next time.

OP posts:
MammouthTask · 04/10/2016 14:57

If he left his DW for being too vanilla, then y ahve your answer.
This someone who is REALLY into kinky stuff and only extreme stuff will have an effect on him.

Unless you are into that sort stuff, and it read to me like you are, you seem just incompatible sexually.

MammouthTask · 04/10/2016 14:57

Sorry I meant
It seems to me that you are NOT

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/10/2016 14:59

What's he like out of the bedroom? do you talk, go places, have fun? Or do you literally show up at his with Morrison's vegetable aisle in your bag, have sex, then go home never to drink a Hendricks and cucumber again?

Original poster
user1475512791 · 04/10/2016 15:20

We do just meet for lunch or dinner & he is very charming.
We talk for hours but it generally always comes back to sex !

OP posts:
SarcasmMode · 04/10/2016 15:54

I guess it depends on the fantasy but maybe you weren't acting enthusiastic ? I have no idea - never done kink. Would've only done it with someone I wasn't with as feel it would impact on our relationship.

SarcasmMode · 04/10/2016 15:57

But yes sed seems to be the most important thing to him - is it to you?

SarcasmMode · 04/10/2016 15:58

*SEX

MatildaTheCat · 04/10/2016 16:47

So you turn up lugging a bag of tricks hoping to satisfy his appetite for the unusual. Go for dinner but the conversation always comes back round to sex? Sorry, OP, there is no nice way of saying this but it sounds more like a professional arrangement than a relationship. Only without the pay.

What are you getting from this other than some bruises and not so nice surprises?

Happybunny19 · 04/10/2016 16:55

I'm all for a loving, exciting sex life but not at the expense of everything else. He left his wife for being too vanilla? Jesus he needs a fwb partner who has matching fantasies, not a regular girlfriend. He sounds selfish and that doesn't make for a great bed partner. Run away quick!

Madinche1sea · 04/10/2016 17:12

OP - I would get the hell away now if I were you. This man is already late 40s. Charming or not, he's likely to end up on his own with a few FWBs and a bag of veg.

Seriously, there is a HUGE difference between preferring the man to take the lead during sex and "very rough sex". I can't imagine what you would be getting out of him being rough. Where do you see that going? Also, you can never really hope to get a meaningful sexual connection with someone when it's always about the gimmicks.

Things will only escalate with him, but you really don't need to be part of it.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 04/10/2016 17:38

This guy's a mess. I'm older than 48 and if just me, no trimmings, didn't produce a stiffy in a relatively new partner I'd be insulted. Not to mention astonished.

He left his wife because she was too vanilla?! Red flags all over. Mechanistic rough sex, porn addiction. It gets worse. Nothing good will come of this. Throw him back, go fishing for another one.

adora1 · 04/10/2016 17:50

Get rid pronto, there are other men out there that don't have his sexual hang ups and I'd not trust him an inch either; he seems more interested in porn and trying out various sexual kinks than actually getting to know someone and not making it all about sex.

Any guy who was a porn addict would be a no no right away, yuck.

expatinscotland · 04/10/2016 17:58

He's a porn addict who sees women as objects and sex as something women are there to satisfy his desires with. You're not even a person to him, just another role in his twisted fantasies. Why are you bothering with a chat? 'Sex with you makes me feel flat, used and worthless. I'm fed up of indulging all your fucked up fantasies. You're a sick porn addict who needs professional help.'

keepingonrunning · 04/10/2016 22:15

I'll be frank. He sounds like a psychopath. Using you for sex without an emotional connection (because he's empty inside), porn addict, likes to be rough and the clincher as far as I'm concerned, you described him as 'charming'. Someone wrote on another thread how their therapist told them charm is deployed in a calculated way to get what that person wants from someone.
He says his wife was vanilla in bed. I wonder what his wife's version of the story would be. It would not surprise me at all if the marriage ended because he was abusive.
Red flags all over.

Notapodling · 06/10/2016 07:35

I have a FWB with whom I do rough and kinky play so have done that side of it and really enjoy it but this guy would gave me running for the hills.
Tbh it's the same rule as any sexual activity: you want to be with someone who wouldn't want to have kinky sex with you if you weren't as into it as he is. Anyone who pushes you to do something is a problem.
This has big red flags all over it. At best, you've got a thoughtless and selfish partner , at worst you're going end up seriously injured as it escalates.
Sorry OP, but you need to LTB. He's not safe.

Cabrinha · 06/10/2016 08:31

So you're lugging around bags of sex toys that you've paid for that are primarily for his pleasure.
He's just thoroughly selfish, isn't he?

That's not about "vanilla". (and good vanilla is fantastic)
Even if this man had every fantasy of mine, perfect identical match, I'd be put off by his selfishness.

It's not about his sexual tastes - it's about the fact he's an arse.

HuskyLover1 · 06/10/2016 09:11

He's incapable of making love to you. You are just an object to him. Why on earth are you dancing to his tune, and turning up with a case of sex toys?

Seriously bin him off, he sounds gross.

As Cabrinha said, good vanilla is fantastic. In fact I wouldn't even call missionary vanilla. With the right person, it's amazing.

LadyCassandra · 06/10/2016 09:28

^What expat said. He's a porn addict and it will only get worse. Cut your losses.

ALaughAMinute · 06/10/2016 10:10

He's the one who is inadequate not you!

By the sound of it things will only get worse so I would bin him if I were you.

Mikkalina · 06/10/2016 10:21

Does he enjoy when you use vegetables on him? Tell him how much you would enjoy seeing a courgette or a cucumber in his a*se. Grin

Naicehamshop · 06/10/2016 11:22

The "very rough" and escalating would be a big worry to me.
Move on now OP - this is heading in a nasty direction.

Justaboy · 06/10/2016 23:24

Yes some think that they can short circuit their digestive system by sticking various veg where the sun don't shine. Dunno what advantage it gives suppose it saves time cooking.

There's another thread on here some silly girl had to go to hospital to have a vibrator removed for her poop chute all over the metro it was! Uck

Original poster
user1475512791 · 06/10/2016 23:53

Thank you for all your responses - they have given me a lot to think about although the questions were already there but sometimes writing things down is more productive.

Having escaped an abusive marriage i think I have just fallen into another abusive relationship but in a different guise.

I'm worth more than that so time to move on x

OP posts:
Justaboy · 07/10/2016 00:00

I'd agree with your there user.