I feel so lonely!

[ProfessorPickles]

I don't know what else to say, I just feel so alone lately.

Anyone feeling the same?

Any sort of distraction would be wonderful, tell me about one of your favourite memories or something nice that happened today!

One thing is re-activating my friend network a bit better, including sorting house and getting it so I can entertain a little. Another is refreshing a self=development course which I did years ago, which will help with the re-prioritising! - in fact I'll be doing part of this course over the weekend.

Nice to hear it's not just me that feels lonely. Weekends are the worst, spend too much time wishing I had someone else to talk to and spend quality time with, then the crazy week schedule starts again and by Wednesdays I am usually fine and accept that I just do not have the time for a relationship (even if I could find one). Then the weekend comes round again and the loneliness creeps back in. Am working on a way to break this cycle - anyone got any good tips?

I hope your weekend was not too bad, Funnylady.

My course was good - nice to interact with younger people, and folk who are not yet retired.

Thanks Silvery, it was not too bad, now I have acknowledged that this is the time I struggle, I am trying to keep busy and plan enjoyable things. Realistically I know it is not the right time for me to think about a relationship.
Glad you enjoyed your course, I am looking forward to having time to do things like this when the kids are older. At the moment they are too young to be left for any length of time, but old enough that they dont want to do much with me. When we are at home they spend most of their time in their rooms chatting to friends. Think I have a touch of early 'empty nest syndrome'.
Hope you are okay Pickles?

Hi Prof, saw your new thread and felt sad for you. As you know I never felt great about your new guy due to his odd behaviour - I stand by my impression that he is content living in his own bubble whatever that is, and having you almost as a fantasy and occasional meetups suit him. You keep saying he treats tyou well - you know, that's normal and NOT an exception so please don't hold on to him thinking you won't another man who treats you well - despite you past experiences.
Are you sure you want to hold on to him? To me it seems like he's stopping you from meeting someone else. Plenty of men want regular dates, and best to meet someone more local. As you say because you aer supposed to be seeing him, you feel lonelier than before BUT at the same time you feel like you can't meet others as he 'makes an effort'. Not enough effort in most women's books for what should be an exciting new r-ship.
Anyway, just my thoughts but I think you got stuck on the wrong track with him. You could just say this kind of thing isn't for you, it's not him it's your difference ( it is him, he's weird ). Come on, 3 weeks and he's going food shopping with sister!

*differences

Sorry that I disappeared from the thread, I have terrible habit of starting threads when I'm upset then feeling embarrassed so I avoid opening it again.

Unfortunately things have got worse, I found out this morning through someone else that my best friend is having a house warming party and clearly I'm not invited. I had tears in my eyes on the train this morning, I feel so alone lately. I have good friends but it feels like the people closest to me seem to let me down.
She's my sons godmother and I'm close to her partner, but I get left out so I'm gutted about that.

My other friend who I'm extremely close to, we've barely seen each other for 6 months but it's because he is working full time then caring for his grandad the rest. But we were inseparable this time last year so I feel like I'm grieving for the loss of that too. I felt amazing when I truly felt we loved each other and were there for each other, I think it'll come back but sadly once his grandad passes away

Lovely to see you PG, I think you're right that I'm just not used to being treat well and that makes me forgive him for things.
I don't blame him for going shopping with his sister as something terrible happened a couple of days before and was on going, so that doesn't bother me too much now I've thought about it. I just felt rejected at the time.
I think I do need to tell him to do one, as lovely as he is. I absolutely adore him, and he seems to care about me too. But I think like you say it's just a fantasy he gets to tap into whenever he wants, maybe he likes the idea of a stable relationship but can't commit fully so is doing half and half.
I don't believe he'd intentionally hurt me but as well, he isn't putting me first currently either.

It's such a massive shame because I feel quite strongly about him, it's rare I meet someone I can be myself around and now I've got to end it.

I feel so sad and alone today, if I had the support of my friends or just their presence in my life I'd be fine.

I've now been invited to the party but only because some other people couldn't attend. I feel a bit like I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I won't be attending. If this was an isolated incident of being left out I'd just go despite feeling hurt, but she's done things in the past so I don't feel like I want to go at all, despite looking forward to this party for months thinking I was going to be invited!

Prof, I agree that you need to send him off. Honestly he's not the right match for you even if he's likeable. He isn't bad (at least that's an impression he gives) but as you say, he's not ready or able to give a relationship priority. Also I know it's not nice to think about it, but he might be dating someone else, I don't mean running two r-ships but just dating around socially. Or he just lives in his head a lot. It's NOT what you need, and you loving nature deserves a similar partner. I do think it's better to be on your own and open to meeting someone available than feeling lonely while you are have a 'BF'.
Hope you lod friendship will come back - even after his granddad passes away - at least you know he is a caring person and it's no reflection on your friendship.

I'm gutted about my friends, I feel so alone and like there's something I must be doing wrong. I can't wait for this to pass because I feel utterly miserable.

The man I'm seeing said off his own back that he's fed up of us not being able to see each other and that things are progressing as he'd like because of it which was lovely. But I'm looking for actions asap and not just words of course!

I am always impressed by PG's analysis.

The younger me in your position would have clung on to the relationship - (or "relationship"?) She was not renowned for making good decisions about these things back then.

Aren't progressing not are that was supposed to say!

I've really lost the will to live today, I feel so happy with my life in terms of uni and who I am, my son and my family. But friends and relationships seem to make me desperately unhappy, I'd love to know what it is that makes it so hard.

Having a good mope around the house today

Prof you aer really not alone in this, having a crisis/void where a partner and close friends should be. I had very similar recently, it's improving on the friendships side as people are more available to meet up suddenly and seem to fimnd more time for me, but still a big gap for me where r-ships go, not helped by the fact that I'm still not completely over the unavailable man and anyone who shows interest is not for me longer term (though it's nice to get some attention). I do know what it feels like 'losing the way to live' on that front on some days/weeks.

thanks, Silvery - you are no less insightful!

the will, not 'the way to live' argh!

I'm sorry to hear he's still having an affect on you PG, but I'm pleased to hear things are good in terms of friendships I think that can come in phases can't it.

I'm still hurting a lot because of my friends actions, but hopefully in a few days I'll feel a bit brighter!

Evening, Prof. So what did you say to that (when your guy said he wish things were different)? Sounds like you never told him directly that it's not what you are after, occasional meetings! I think you should either be very direct and actually tell him you need to see some action not just words, or tell him that you want to stop the whole thing because this is not for you. If anything is going to jolt him out of his bubble is if you finished with him. This way he'll eithre really fight - good result, or he won't and then you'll be free and single.
I've been doing well in terms of holding off from postig on his social media which I did regularly. And I'm getting a bit cooler - but things take time don't they - I liked him for a whole year now so it's not going to evaporate in one month. There are SOME days when I feel I've shaken off it pretty much, but obv only some days so far.

Prof, I lurked on ur threads and so sad to see the title of this thread.

You seem like such a funny person and also intelligent & articulate. I can imagine it's not easy being a single mum and I guess u must be so busy with uni and ur DS and day to day routine to have much time to yourself.

• have you ever considered that maybe ur friends feel that it's u that has distanced urself?

• have u spoken to ur best friend and ask if there's any issues?

• one of the best advice I was ever given (after a bad break up with someone I thought was the love of my life) is that I was never going to meet somebody if I stay at home and commiserate. It's not like hot shot guy or Prince Charming is going to magically knock on my door. Have u ever considered online dating? I lived overseas once and didn't know anyone when I moved there, felt so lonely so I joined a good online dating site and I had so much fun. Ended up dating somebody for a few months and then realised he wasn't for me but it helped me gained confidence. And I'd also made really good friends. Plus it provides a good distraction and takes away loneliness.

Above all, so sorry u feel lonely. Although ur not because I'm sure ur son is wonderful n he loves u.

Ur mr right will come. It's defo not this dude. Being treated right is a must. A prerequisite to any relationship. So I hope u find time for itself to go out n meet someone,

Also u should go to this party. Don't let ego get in the way. Not going is going to make you feel more left out anyway. Go with an open mind. When life shows u a new door, don't look back. Let the doors open. Move forward. Stop over thinking things. Who knows, u might make some new friends and maybe even meet someone.

Ur mr right will come. It's defo not this dude. Being treated right is a must. A prerequisite to any relationship. So I hope u find time for itself to go out n meet someone
exactly that! I feel like your Mr Right is going to appear soon, just go out as if you are single, because really it as nice to date this guy for a bit, but you still are and feel essentially single. If not this party then def next!

*'it was nice to date..'

Sorry for not being in touch, I get embarrassed by myself.

Well, I finally told him to do one. As lovely as he is he isn't for me. I found out he smokes weed almost daily, I'm not keen on that sort of anything but wouldn't mind as much if it was once a week. But daily is a joke. It would explain why he's so relaxed and never in a rush to arrange anything, all the people I've known who smoke weed a lot are the same. Complacent is the word I'd use! No motivation to do anything other than work to get money, to spend on weed.

Thank you for being there for me and posting on this thread. I'm so glad I snapped last night and just told him. He didn't put up much of a fight, says it all doesn't it. It breaks my heart as we genuinely always had such an amazing time together and I can't imagine meeting anyone like that again soon. But clearly deep down he couldn't care less!

Have u looked up a group called meet up ..its all about doing things with other people .I have made some fab friends and done some excellent days out .. Thinking of you. X

Thank you Cookie, I will have a look! I'm feeling really good today, but think it's just temporary after ending things last night.

I have a couple of days out planned soon which will really help, but arranging days out with new people to meet would be great!

Ah good to read your update, Prof! Really well-done! I've always told you (even ifit sounded suspicious/negative) that something is off with him - that explains it! These people really do live in a bubble and in their dreams. NOT what a normal red blooded woman needs at all haha.
Yes it's a shame you didn't know it from the start but he was nice as a diversion from the tutor man - so you've moved on.
Good luck - I'm sure it's coming actually - with a new guy whe he comes alone. I second not that you should try to just go out socially more.