Tired of husband's sulks

[fruitstick]

I don't know where to start. My husband seems to be cross with me all the time at the moment.

Last night it was because he 'didn't like the way I spoke to him'. I was a bit rude and childish but he was in my face nagging me and I just wanted him to go away.

I apologised but he hasn't spoken to me since.

Last week it was because I'd prepared dinner but not used the right sauce .

Over the weekend it was something else.

As background, I've been having counselling for anxiety for the past 6 months and feel like things are much better. I think this has made me more assertive but it's definitely made relations between us worse.

I hate it. On Friday I told him to just put me out of my misery and leave. He said obviously he loved me and didn't want to leave but here we are again.

I'm just so bored of it. He moans about everything, is always picking fault with anything I do that is not to his liking, is obsessed with his hobby.

It's just no fun anymore.

We've been together for 20 years but I don't think it's ever been this bad.

Because I do love him and I don't want to be divorced.

That sounds lame now I say it out loud.

I just figure trying jt to fix it has to be better than giving up on it but know I can't do that by myself.

Have you spoken to him about how his moods affect you? There are those very rare people out there who do change once the implications of their behaviour are brought into sharp focus - he may not want to be divorced either and be prepared to do what ever it takes to make the marriage work.

I had been with my exH for 23 years, not quite my whole life but a very large chunk of it. What do I have 2 show for it? 2 amazing DS who despite them being subjected to the toxic dynamic of their parents marriage, have grown into emotionally intelligent young men who are proud of me for being brave enough to end things with their DF.

As a PP said, you can't change the past but there's a long long future ahead of you

"Because I do love him and I don't want to be divorced.

That sounds lame now I say it out loud"

That is indeed lame. Divorce is not a stigma these days. Your children won't thank you for staying with such a man either. Is this really what you want to teach them about relationships?. Look at what you and for that matter your H learnt about relationships, look at the example he was shown. He is simply reenacting his parents own crap relationship with you who also learnt her own set of damaging lessons. You can break the cycle though and that is done through leaving him.

I would also read up on the "sunken costs fallacy" because of what you have written about giving up on it and fixing things. This also causes people to keep on making poor relationship decisions. What you forget here is that the damage has already been done.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

Another thing you could do now apart from seeking legal advice is to enrol yourself on Womens Aid's Freedom Programme. This is for people who have had previously abusive relationships as well. I think you went from one abusive relationship into another of a similar type; the man you are now with has also controlled you.